Manny: I made a reference to The Wiggles and it went right over her head.
Jay: I don't know what that means.
Manny: It's an expression. It means she didn't get it.

I want them to share clothes, do each others hair and gossip about boys. Like i did with Mitchell.

Claire

Whoa, whoa, maybe it's all the creams, that just made sense, girlfriends.

Phil

Gloria: Tell them we don't want our bodies inside these drawers where God cannot find us.
Jay: These aren't like our drawers at home. People can find stuff here.

There's enough not to like about death without adding dirt and worms.

Jay

Ta-da is for when you do a flip or where the magician cuts the pretty lady in half, not when you show someone where you want to shove their dead body.

Gloria

She makes me feel like a fifth grader again.

Manny

Manny: Jay, haven't you noticed the spring in my step?
Jay: Oh, kids say cruel things, that doesn't mean you'll turn out that way.
Manny: No, we have something in common. I'm seeing a younger woman.

Relax, more than half the eleventh grade has been in that sweater.

Alex [to Haley]

What did Oprah do now

Mitchell [to Cam]

If you don't use them, then all our money just goes to charity.

Phil

Shouldn't you get back to Donald? That is the name of your cat, right?

Cam