Tony: Come on, computers are your thing! If I had a thing I'd want to show it off.
Gibbs: There are rules against that, DiNozzo.
- Permalink: Come on, computers are your thing! If I had a thing I'd want to ...
Abby: You would make a great Santa.
McGee: I guess you just gotta believe.
Abby: I do believe.
- Permalink: You would make a great Santa. I guess you just gotta believe. ...
I think we've found the entire cast of Hee Haw.Tony
- Permalink: And I think we've found the entire cast of Hee Haw.
Ziva: These chocolates are delicious!
Gibbs: Hey, dad. Stop making my team fat.
Ziva: Gibbs, why didn't you tell us your father was coming?
Gibbs: I didn't think he'd actually show. Go ahead, have another one, bubble butt.
Tony: It's my metabolism slowing with age.
- Permalink: These chocolates are delicious! Hey, dad. Stop making my team ...
Tony: Fruit of the month might be good. Maybe a foot massage.
McGee: Tony, I never pegged you as a catalog shopper.
Tony: Well, that's because I'm not, tiny Tim, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I took these from my neighbor's doorstep.
Ziva: You stole them?
Tony: The doorstep is considered a common area.
- Permalink: Fruit of the month might be good. Maybe a foot massage. Tony, ...
McGee: It's freezing this morning.
Tony: Man up, chilly willy. Feel that warm blood coursing through your veins. Get in touch with your inner McGrizzly Adams.
McGee: Well I've got hand warmers.
Tony: Give me one.
- Permalink: It's freezing this morning. Man up, chilly willy. Feel that wa...
Ziva: I'm feeling perfectly warm.
Tony: That's because you're like a little kimodo dragon. An ice queen.
Ziva: Or because I remembered to wear my thermal underwear.
Tony: I'll give you $50 for it right now.
- Permalink: I'm feeling perfectly warm. That's because you're like a littl...
Tony: How many languages do you speak?
Ziva: Including the language of love? Ten.
- Permalink: How many languages do you speak? Including the language of lov...
Ziva: So this is where a redthroat would hang out after being overseas for months.
Tony: It's not redthroat, it's redneck.
- Permalink: So many red throats. You mean rednecks.
Ziva: Bah hum-bog.
- Permalink: Bah hum-bog. What?
Ziva: That's him. Over there.
Tony: With his brother Darryl and his other brother Darryl?
- Permalink: That's him. Over there. With his brother Darryl and his other ...
[answers phone] DiNozzo desk.Tony
- Permalink: DiNozzo desk.
McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.
- Permalink: Abby's highly-specific rules for dating
McGee: You know something I don't? Working tonight and tomorrow night?
Tony: No, Tim. It's just that Zoe's parents are in town and they want to have dinner. I'm not ready for that.
Abby: So you deceived her.
Tony: I was put on the spot. I was not prepared.
McGee: Whoa. Hey. What are you afraid of?
Tony: I don't know.
Abby: They're probably really nice.
Tony: I'm sure they are. I've just never had dinner with the parents of a woman I'm seriously involved with.
McGee: That's not true. What about Jon Benois?
Tony: No, technically that wasn't me because I was undercover as Tony DiNardo, professor of film studies. I wasn't myself back then. Meeting the parents for dinner could trigger a whole chain of events.
Abby: It's just dinner, Tony.
Tony: You have dinner yet with Ranger Burt's parents? I didn't think so. Then put down the gavel, take off the robe and stop judging, both of you.
- Permalink: Tony doesn't want to meet Zoe's parents.