Anything I find won't be useful to anybody if we all die from airborne corpse pathogens. A dead body can be deadly.

Ducky

Light me up, Lord of the Tickets. It's story time.

Tony

Careful, Mr. Palmer. Gastric acid can cut a hole right through your foot.

Ducky

Palmer: Doctor. Doctor. In case your plan, as brilliant as it is, doesn't work....
Ducky: Likewise, Mr....Jimmy.

Palmer: I would rather take a stand than get shot in the back.
Ducky: Likewise.

Palmer: Oh my God.
Ducky: What?
Palmer: I just realized that I missed my nine-month wedding anniversary. Breena's going to kill me.
Ducky: You do know I have a heart condition.

Doctor, I respect you more than anyone in the world, so please forgive me when I say - go to hell. I'm not leaving you.

Palmer

Tony: ...but lucky for us we've got morning check-ins, email chain letters. Hey - international coffees of the week.
McGee: Yeah that Indonesian Wildboar blend was pretty bitter.
Tony: Bitter. Coffee almost killed me. Seriously, that's dangerous stuff. It's like putting a hot poker up my bum.

Gibbs: He's all alone, Duck.
Ducky: Yes well death will have that effect.
Gibbs: I'm not talking about him. I'm talking about Director Vance.
Ducky: He needs time, Jethro. You know that better than anyone.
Gibbs: The hardest part is after.
Ducky: And you worry he may get stuck there, in the after.
Gibbs: I worry he'll get stuck, period.

Craig: Leon. Good to see you. I didn't know you're coming by for a visit.
Vance: I'm not visiting, I'm here to work.
Craig: Oh, okay. Let me just grab some things from your office...
Vance: No need. I'll be down here. With them.

Tony: So is he back for good?
Gibbs: I don't know.
Tony: But he's not Director Vance. So he's Agent Vance. Would that make him Probie Vance?
Gibbs: DiNozzo. Enough, okay?

Drop the bone Mr. Kang. You're coming with us. [Aside to Gibbs] Look at the size of that guy.

Tony

NCIS Quotes

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.