Ziva: And what do you know about the American Dream?
Tony: I'm a white male between the ages of 18 and 49 with a gun. I AM the American Dream.

We have come to sit on the baby.

Ziva

Ziva: For my sanity, can you not call me Probie?
Tony: But I say it with love.

Rachel: When do I get my inheritance?
Gibbs: When you're 25?
Tony: That will go a long way in the prison gift shop.

If Tony is right about the wife, I will never live it down!

Ziva

Man up, Marine!

Gibbs

Tony: You seem to be attracted to men who have a hard time staying alive.
Sarah: I'm attracted to men with honor. Dignity. Who serve their country.

Tony: Probies, talk louder, I can hear you in there.
Ziva: McGee has been at NCIS for six years. I have been here four. We ARE agents, so can you PLEASE stop calling us ...
Gibbs: Problem, Probie?

Gibbs: No costume this year?
Abby: After last year's Jonas Brothers debacle, Vance banned costumes. McGee? Skinny jeans? Didn't work.

Ducky: Interesting date for such a ghoulish demise.
Palmer: Yeah, it's a really cool way to go! [silence] Cool, as in the temperature. Liquid nitrogen. Forget it.

Ducky: Aren't you on the wrong side, of the glass? Oh, look at her, look at the state she's in! I would have thought you would have wanted to be in there yourself, instead of letting Vance interrogate her.
Gibbs: Don't you have some bodies to attend to, Duck?
Ducky: The evidence from the Damocles is being unloaded as we speak. Isn't this punishing her? I mean, you aren't concerned that she might lie to you?
Gibbs: It's tough love.
Ducky: You do know that there are other kinds?

Tony: What's with the sushi bar?
Ducky: Staff Sargeant Cryer's body was not alone on its considerable time adrift.
Tony: Yum.
Ducky: That's probably what they said when they were feeding on his flesh.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.