Tony: I want to help.
Anton: One thing I've learned, Tony. Just because you want it doesn't mean it's going to happen.
Tony: Tell me about it. It's funny - never stops me from trying.

McGee: Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you, in some kind of twelve-stop program for recovering misogynists?
Tony: These past few weeks have been.....interesting, haven't they? It's just gotten me thinking about the choices that we make and the people that we let in, or don't let in. Just trying to make it better. Any more questions?
McGee: Yeah. What'd you do with the real Tony?
Tony: Maybe this is the real Tony.

Tony: It's obvious you're looking to hire a replacement.
Gibbs: Motive?
McGee: I don't know. Maybe you think we need the help. Three's the magic number. Who knows? But, we don't need anyone else, boss. And we don't want anyone either.
Gibbs: I was talking about the murder.

Gibbs: Where are your parents? Your mother? Father?
Elina: Sold me to man.
Gibbs: What man?
Elina: Husband. Old. Like you.

Gibbs: What's going on? Why the fake i.d.?
Franks: About a year ago, some former - let's say associates - come up to me because they had a 12-year old Afghan girl who they were helping smuggle into the U.S.
Gibbs: Okay, stop. I can't hear any more of that.
Franks: You need to. This girl had been raped repeatedly by her uncle. When she finally went to the police, they arrested her.
Gibbs: For what?
Franks: For being outside without a male escort. Without her uncle, for Pete's sake. I was just supposed to help with the one, but when I met the kid.....this sweet innocent child...it ain't something you let go. So I hooked up with this group that runs women's shelters in Kabul. I kind of run their underground railroad. You know - helping them relocate their hard cases.

Franks: Have you lost all shred of human decency? This is not a game! This is life or death to these women.
Gibbs: You don't know that.
Franks: The hell I don't! These girls are in danger, even in the shelters! And when the U.S. finishes its military pullout, it's game over for them. Look at them. Look at their faces.
Gibbs: I'm a federal agent, and I cannot lend material support to a human smuggling operation.
Franks: When did you start caring about the rules?
Gibbs: My rules!
Franks: Yeah? Which ones?
Gibbs: Rule 10: Never get personally involved on a case. Rule 14: bend the line, don't break it. Human smuggling breaks it.
Franks: You already got involved once. Or don't you remember how Layla and Amira got here?
Gibbs: How do you choose, Mike? Huh? Who do you pick? You can start it, but how do you stop it? You're not God.
Franks: He's sitting this one out.
Gibbs: I can't do it. Can't do it.

Grady: You all really care. About the job, but also about each other.
Tony: Well sometimes it's a pain in the ass.

Purcell: What happens now?
Tony: You're going to be held in a detention facility and booked for accessory to murder, illegal sale of explosive, and assaulting two federal officers.
Purcell: Two federal officers?
Tony: Yeah. Me and Agent Strickland.
Purcell: That old broad is an agent?
Vera: I just need one minute with that clown.

Murray: This kind of looks like you.
Tony: It is.
Murray: How close were you two?
Tony: Give me that.

Vance: What's his ultimate target?
Gibbs: I don't know.
Vance: I've got to notify Homeland, FBI and the ATF.

Tony: Want to take a ride, Vera?
Vera: Bite me.

Vance: Hang on. Agent McGee isn't going anywhere.
Eugene: Director.
Vance: Agent McGee and the rest of his team's presence has just been requested at the White House. His clever strategy just saved countless lives and a multi-billion dollar weapons system.
Gibbs: Yeah we'll get back to you on that, Eugene.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.