Ziva: Apologize.
Tony: What for?
Ziva: For being you.
Tony: Sweetheart, if I had a dollar for every time I did that, I'd be loaded.

Jimmy: This is getting scary. Dr. Mallard talks to the dead, and now you're talking to evidence.
Abby: Well, it usually works with firearms, but this one is not saying a peep.

Dempsey: Who's he?
Tony: Public affairs officer.
Dempsey: You brought your publicist to a bomb threat?

Who's the new face of NCIS? You're lookin' at it, McEnvy.

Tony

Come on, $22 a pound for rib eye? That's the real crime.

Tony

Gibbs: Dad, I can stop this. I need your help.
Gibbs Sr.: Whatever it takes.
Gibbs: Okay, let's go fishing.

Mike: Do what you have to do for family.
Gibbs: What rule is that?
Mike: The unspoken one.

Tony: You need some lady advice.
Tim: I'd rather get a lap dance from a nun.

Ziva: We hit a shamu.
Susan: Did she mean a snafu?

In high school, I was actually voted least likely to take a hint.

Susan

Borin: You can call me Abby.
Gibbs: No, that's not going to happen.

Tony: Davy Jones. Used to sing with The Monkees.
Ziva: Real monkeys?"
Tony: I envy your brain sometimes.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.