Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX

I love you, Jessica--God, it feels good to say that out loud, and not just to my sleeping wife.


It's nice inside of here--it's like a European airport.


Fellas, you made it! As promised, here's a coupon for a free sub.


Oh, this is terrible--she's quoting Scripture, but using a ton of cuss words.


Nick: Men don't talk to people they've dated, unless they want sex, or they're Winston.
Winston: I also want sex.

Sorry to interrupt--I know the morning is the most sensual time of day.

Jess's Mom

Nick: I just want to make a good impression on Jess's sister.
Schmidt: Yeah, well, I want Julia Child not to be dead, but here we find ourselves.

Schmidt: It's a bar mitzvah!
Nick: I am NOT watching a kid get circumcised.

I just need to get to Rachel before he tells her horrible-slash-true things about me.

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