Favorite Parks and Recreation Quotes
Oh, Andy. You're fine, but you're simpleDonna
You know what's thirsty? You know what's weird? How thirsty I get when I'm weird. When I'm drunk.Leslie
Leslie: What if he shows up with another woman? What if one of my sleeves catches on fire and it spreads rapidly. What if instead of tic tacs I accidentally pop a couple of Ambien and I have to keep punching my leg to stay awake?
Ann: Those are all insane hypotheticals and I promise you they won't happen.
Leslie: They have happened. All of these have happened to me. Uh, no, there's more. One time I accidentally drank an entire bottle of vinegar. I thought it was terrible wine. Once I went out with a guy who wore 3-D glasses the entire evening. Oh, one time I rode in a sidecar on a guy's motorcycle, and the sidecar detached and went down a flight of stairs. Another time I went to a really boring movie with a guy and while I was alseep he tried to pull out one of my teeth. I literaly woke up with his hand in my mouth. We went out a couple times after that but then he got weird.
Andy recently diagnosed himself with what he calls Shoeshine Head. It's when you shine too many shoes and the fumes create a thunderstorm in your brain. Cures include coffee, cheeseburgers and napping on the floor.April
Yeah we got the moon. What are you going to do without tides, Peru?Leslie
Where's all the faces of the presidents?Andy
Leslie has a lot of qualities I find horrifying. But the worst one by far is how thoughtful she can be.Ron
Jean-Ralphio: This party sucks. Let's get out of here.
April: It's my birthday party.
Jean-Ralphio: It is?
Jean-Ralphio: Sorry, boo.
Leslie: Do you need to get that?
Ann: No, it's just penises.
When I'm done eating a Mulligan's meal, for weeks afterwards, there are flecks of meat in my mustache. And I refuse to clean it because every now and then a piece of meat will fall into my mouth.Ron
The library is the worst group of people ever assembled in history. They're mean, conniving, rude and extremely well read, which makes them very dangerous.Leslie
Jerry: I was walking Lord Sheldon.
April: Ew, is that code for some kind of weird sex act?
Jerry: Lord Sheldon is my dog. My wife named him.