Favorite Parks and Recreation Quotes
April is the best, but she's 20. When April was born I was already in third grade, which means if we were friends back then I would have been hanging out with a baby. I don't know anything about infant care. Oh my god I could have killed her.Andy
Zerts are what I call deserts, tray trays are what I call entrees, sandwiches are sammies, sandoozles or Adam Sandlers, air conditioners are cool blaterz with a "z" ... I don't know where that came from. I call cakes big ol' cookies, I call noodles long ass rice, fried chicken is fry fry chicky chick, chicken parmesan is chicky chicky parm parm, chicken caciatore is chicky catch, I call eggs pre-birds or future birds, root beer is super water, tortillas are bean blankets, and I call forks... food rakes!Tom
Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life.Ron
Sales person: Oh, we don't accept American currency, sir.
Ron: This is the most wonderful piece of paper in the world. Of course you'll accept it. Accept it.
Where's all the faces of the presidents?Andy
Leslie has a lot of qualities I find horrifying. But the worst one by far is how thoughtful she can be.Ron
Jerry: I was walking Lord Sheldon.
April: Ew, is that code for some kind of weird sex act?
Jerry: Lord Sheldon is my dog. My wife named him.
One time when I was in high school a guy's mom called me and broke up with me for him. There was another time when I was on a date and I tripped and broke my kneecap, and then the guy said he wasn't feeling it, so he left and I waited for an ambulance. One time I was dating this guy for awhile, and then he got down on one knee and he begged me to never call him again. One guy broke up with me while we were in the shower together. Skywriting isn't always positive. Another time a guy invited me to a beautiful picnic with wine and flowers. And then when I tried to sit down, he said, "Don't eat anything. Rebecca's coming." And then he broke up with me.Leslie
Leslie: Do you need to get that?
Ann: No, it's just penises.
Yeah we got the moon. What are you going to do without tides, Peru?Leslie
Andy recently diagnosed himself with what he calls Shoeshine Head. It's when you shine too many shoes and the fumes create a thunderstorm in your brain. Cures include coffee, cheeseburgers and napping on the floor.April
It's never too early to learn that the government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer's teet until they have sore, chapped nipples. I'm gonna need a different metaphor to give this nine year old.Ron