Favorite Parks and Recreation Quotes
I definitely have more lions than any other country in the whole world right now.Andy
It's never too early to learn that the government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer's teet until they have sore, chapped nipples. I'm gonna need a different metaphor to give this nine year old.Ron
Jean-Ralphio: This party sucks. Let's get out of here.
April: It's my birthday party.
Jean-Ralphio: It is?
Jean-Ralphio: Sorry, boo.
You know what's thirsty? You know what's weird? How thirsty I get when I'm weird. When I'm drunk.Leslie
April is the best, but she's 20. When April was born I was already in third grade, which means if we were friends back then I would have been hanging out with a baby. I don't know anything about infant care. Oh my god I could have killed her.Andy
"I guess I kind of hate most things. But I never really seem to hate you. So I want to spend the rest of my life with you, is that cool?"April
Everything I do is the attitude of an award winner because I've won an award.Ron
"The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol from a safe distance. Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy."Ron
Leslie: If I was sick, could I do this?
Ann: What are you doing?
Leslie: Cartwheels. Am I not doing them?
I can't kill the possum because it might be innocent. I can't let the possum go because it might be guilty. Can't make a good soup, can't do a handstand in a pool, can't spell the word lieutenant. There's a lot of can'ts in my life right now.Leslie
Are you hitting on Leslie for me?Ben
Ann: How many drinks of alcohol do you consume a week?
Ann: That's it? One drink?
Ron: One shelf.
Ann: Do you exercise?
Ron: Yes. Lovemaking and woodworking.
Ann: Do you have any history of mental illness in your family?
Ron: I have an uncle who does yoga.