Favorite Parks and Recreation Quotes
Andy recently diagnosed himself with what he calls Shoeshine Head. It's when you shine too many shoes and the fumes create a thunderstorm in your brain. Cures include coffee, cheeseburgers and napping on the floor.April
It's never too early to learn that the government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer's teet until they have sore, chapped nipples. I'm gonna need a different metaphor to give this nine year old.Ron
You know what's thirsty? You know what's weird? How thirsty I get when I'm weird. When I'm drunk.Leslie
When I'm done eating a Mulligan's meal, for weeks afterwards, there are flecks of meat in my mustache. And I refuse to clean it because every now and then a piece of meat will fall into my mouth.Ron
Leslie: Do you need to get that?
Ann: No, it's just penises.
Yeah we got the moon. What are you going to do without tides, Peru?Leslie
Jerry: I was walking Lord Sheldon.
April: Ew, is that code for some kind of weird sex act?
Jerry: Lord Sheldon is my dog. My wife named him.
April is the best, but she's 20. When April was born I was already in third grade, which means if we were friends back then I would have been hanging out with a baby. I don't know anything about infant care. Oh my god I could have killed her.Andy
"I guess I kind of hate most things. But I never really seem to hate you. So I want to spend the rest of my life with you, is that cool?"April
Hey, Mark. It's Leslie. Change of plans. Can you call me back? Tom, get here. Call me. Bye. Hey, Leslie. It's Leslie. Hang in there. I love you. Bye.Leslie
I can't kill the possum because it might be innocent. I can't let the possum go because it might be guilty. Can't make a good soup, can't do a handstand in a pool, can't spell the word lieutenant. There's a lot of can'ts in my life right now.Leslie
Call me a romantic, but I believe by the end of the night I will have between one and four new girlfriends.Tom