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Parks-and-recreation

Every two weeks I need to sand down my toe nails. They're too strong for clippers.

Ron Swanson

Andy: From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as
Eagle One. Ann, code name -- Been There, Don That. April is --
Currently Doing That. Donna is -- It Happened Once in a Dream; Chris,
code name -- If I Had To Pick a Dude. Ben is -- Eagle Two.
Ben: Oh thank God.

April is the best, but she's 20. When April was born I was already in third grade, which means if we were friends back then I would have been hanging out with a baby. I don't know anything about infant care. Oh my god I could have killed her.

Andy

"I guess I kind of hate most things. But I never really seem to hate you. So I want to spend the rest of my life with you, is that cool?"

April

Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life.

Ron

"The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol from a safe distance. Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy."

Ron

It's like yoga, except I still get to kill something.

Ron [on fishing]

Jean Ralphio: Let's seal this devil's three-way right here, right now. Step one, we buy into this club. Step two, we roll over to the club either in your Mercedes Benz or my pre-owned Acura Legend. Step three, I dagger you on the dance floor. Just bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce now all the ladies sayin' bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce. What do you say, sexy?
Donna: I'm out.
Tom: Why?
Donna: I hate that guy.

Be proud of yourself. You deserve an award. Not this one, obviously. This one belongs to me. But some other one. Some other lesser award.

Ron

Everything I do is the attitude of an award winner because I've won an award.

Ron

I can't kill the possum because it might be innocent. I can't let the possum go because it might be guilty. Can't make a good soup, can't do a handstand in a pool, can't spell the word lieutenant. There's a lot of can'ts in my life right now.

Leslie

She broke up with me. Didn't really tell me why. Luckily when you're the guy you can just tell people she's crazy. "Hey, Tom, I heard you and Lucy broke up." "Yeah, man. Turns out, she's crazy." That's what they always do on Entourage.

Tom
Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 1356 in total

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April

Andy: From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as
Eagle One. Ann, code name -- Been There, Don That. April is --
Currently Doing That. Donna is -- It Happened Once in a Dream; Chris,
code name -- If I Had To Pick a Dude. Ben is -- Eagle Two.
Ben: Oh thank God.

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