I definitely have more lions than any other country in the whole world right now.

Andy

Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life.

Ron

Andy: Let me go to Big Head Joe's for you. They have the most insane burritos.
Ron: I don't much go for ethnic food.
Andy: No no no. Trust me. They have one that's called the meat tornado. Literally killed a guy last year.
Ron: You had me at meat tornado.

Oh, Andy. You're fine, but you're simple

Donna

You know what's thirsty? You know what's weird? How thirsty I get when I'm weird. When I'm drunk.

Leslie

April is the best, but she's 20. When April was born I was already in third grade, which means if we were friends back then I would have been hanging out with a baby. I don't know anything about infant care. Oh my god I could have killed her.

Andy

"I guess I kind of hate most things. But I never really seem to hate you. So I want to spend the rest of my life with you, is that cool?"

April

I work hard to make sure my department is as small and as ineffective as possible.

Ron

Ron: There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger.

Call me a romantic, but I believe by the end of the night I will have between one and four new girlfriends.

Tom

Leslie: Well, don't be such a baby. I cooked you some bacon for a trail snack.
Ron: I ate it already.
Leslie: What?
Ron: I could smell it in your purse before I even parked my car. And now it's gone and I hate everything.

Ann: You're 20 minutes late. I almost left.
Leslie: Well, I was, dropping my niece off.
Ann: What's your niece's name?
Leslie: Torple. What? I don't know. That's not a name. I don't have a niece. My niece's name is Stephanie?

Parks & Rec Quotes

Just remember every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously, that’s impossible.

Andy

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April