Popular Rescue Me Quotes
I'll tell you what I think. your wife has a vagina. Sheila has a vagina. Kelly has a vagina. Your daughters have vaginas. You are surrounded by vaginas on all sides, which is probably the reason why, I believe, you've grown one all on your own. Because you're no longer thinking with your cock, you're thinking with your vag. It's the only reason that makes sense because otherwise you would be banging beautiful Miss Kelly instead of heading into one of these emotional affairs with her, just like last year.
Lou
Mike: Her vagina. Was it like rank? Cause that happens to chicks, bro. That's why they invented the douche.
Sean: I thought they invented that so we'd have something to call you.
The doctor said "you won," but I don't feel like I won anything!
Kelly
I don't want to spend the next ten years twisting in the wind trying to figure out all of this, you know, anger or grief. I don't want to be you. All the stuff you're talking about, I mean, all the stuff about God and ghosts and all of it. It doesn't make a difference, the women and the booze. You have to just go home and kiss your wife the way you kissed me. That might work a little magic.
Kelly
You think we could light like one or two... hundred more candles?
Sean
First off, I never fart with a new chick until like the fourth date, third maybe. Second off, I have never in my life farted the smell of a rotting corpse. I'm telling you I would have to eat a dead guy who just ate Indian food and then shit his pants, in order to smell that bad. That's how bad it was.
Sean
Lou: I married a hooker.
Needles: He married a hooker. I married a Russian mail order bride.
Sean: Uh, I married Maggie.
Needles: Which I'm banking on makes the hooker and the mail order bride seem sensible.
Black Shawn: I'm marrying Colleen.
Needles: Which is gonna make marrying Maggie look like a day at the beach. No offense, Tommy.
Tommy: None taken.
Franco: Yeah, well, I guess I could be considered a deadbeat dad.
Needles: And a conspiracy freak.
Mike: My gayness.
Lou: The whole nun thing.
Franco: Lesbo girlfriend.
Mike: Extreme gayness.
Needles: You know what's sad. Him being gay is the least of our public relations problems.
Needles: Tommy, I need you to go home. Don't do anything stupid for about a month.
Sean: That's not gonna happen. Did I say that out loud?
Sean: What do you mean I have a small penis?
Emily: I'm sorry. Really, I'm not trying to be mean. I think you have a great little penis.
Sean: Ok. Can we stop calling it "little," please?
Emily: Modest?
Sean: Yeah, that's... no.
Emily: Petite?
Sean: No, I don't... ok, let's just call it little.
Sean: It's us against them at this point. They play dirty. We play dirty. Remember what Needles said.
Mike: What?
Sean: What did Needles say?
Needles: You're a moron.
Sean: No. That wasn't it.
Needles: Fight fire with fire.
Sean: Well, I would've remembered that. Hello.
Tommy: What's that?
Larry: Now you know why they call me "Loch Ness."
I can smell trouble coming at a great distance.
Chief Reilly
