Listen up, Interns! Notice the definition in the upper calf. (Lifts pant leg to reveal his oddly youthful legs) Look at it, damnit! See that. Back in 'Nam the choppers used to hover about eight feet over my head and I'd jump in. You should have seen the look on Charlie's face. (To Rex) Not the enemy, son. The pilot, Charlie-horse. Great guy. He didn't make it back. Where's the cake?

Dr. Kelso

Carla: Huh. Do you like that?
Todd: Wow. I felt it move.
Carla: Todd, you're touching your crotch.
Todd: I know. And I'm loving it.

Turk: All right. Kim's right there. We spent all morning crafting a line so raw with confidence that if you pull it off...you're back in the game.
J.D.: I'm afraid, Mocha Bear.
Turk: I know...buck up. (Turk pushes J.D. over to Kim)
J.D.: Hey, Kim.
Kim: Oh, hey. J.D., how are you feeling?
J.D.: Well, uh... The swelling's gone down...for now.
(Long, dramatic pause)
Kim: (Laughing) You're an idiot!

Head loves karaoke.

J.D.

Elliot: I am wearing red. Should I not be wearing red around her?
Turk: She's pregnant, she's not a bull.

Carla: Baby look at this, I'm starting to look like a big fat pregnant lady.
Turk: No you're not, baby. You look like you just let yourself go a little.
(Carla begins to cry uncontrollably)
Turk: This past few days your moods have changed like that!
Carla: That is not true!
(Carla slaps the hell out of him)
Turk: That's cool...
Carla: I'm sorry. Let me kiss that owee. Kiss the owee... Baby...oh baby... I wanna do it right now.
Turk: You don't wanna do it right now? This'll pass.
Carla: This is happening.
Turk: Damn right this is happening.
(Turk begins to remove his clothes and Carla sits down)
Carla: My mom. I can't believe she'll never meet her grandchild.
Turk: Do you wanna start out with kissing or should we go right into the good stuff?
Carla: What is wrong with you?
(Carla pushes him over a table)
Turk: When will you learn?

Elliot: Did you enjoyed that pancakes that I left on your computer?
Carla: No, but I enjoyed that 3000 ants crawling on my keyboard.
Todd: There are two of them doing it on the 'F' button. I could be wrong but it looks like two girls.

Kim: This is the length of the average penis.
J.D.'s thoughts: What?!
Patient: That seems about right.
Kim: Good for you! I was just messing with J.D.
J.D.: You know what, I'm not talking to any of you guys. You're lying...! (J.D. checks patient's penis) Oh my God!

Dr. Kelso: Listen up, name-tags!! I need to wire some cash to my son so we can make bail. Apparently, that musical he was producing was just a front for a crystal meth lab. And heres the kicker: he fled to Toronto so now the freakin' Mounties are involved!!

Dr. Kelso: I don't want to do this.
Janitor: I will just give the video tape to the police.
Dr. Kelso: Ladies and gentle, this is your chief of medical staff Bob Kelso, I feel compelled to tell you that I do in fact fear the Janitor. Honestly, is there anyone else of such brilliant mind? So please join me basking in the glow of the Janitors awesome... This isn't a word.
Janitor: Read it!
Dr. Kelso: ...'Fearatude'. Good night.
Janitor: ...and good luck! I love that movie.

Dr. Cox: When was the last time you ever met a cutter who didn't want to cut? Laverne! You have been here 40 years now, have you ever heard such a thing?
Laverne: I'm going to kill somebody!

I'll do it. I shouldn't be mopping in here anyway...this is a rug.

Janitor
Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 4008 in total

Scrubs Quotes

J.D.: Hey, I heard a great joke. A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, why are you at a dentist's office?"
J.D.'s narration: Oh, no, I forgot the punchline... You can't bail out now! Stall! Stall!
J.D.: ...So the moth says "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I...I do dabble in orthodontry - braces and such." And... and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that."
J.D.'s narration: "The light was on"!
J.D.: "But! To answer your original question, which was, if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office? The answer is, Because the light was on!" The light! The light, James. Moths love light. So, James, other than your funny bone being broken, what seems to be the problem?

Jerry: When I was alive, I wish I had lived one day like he lives every day of his life.
J.D.: Dead people don't talk, Jerry.

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