You know what I do when I have a really tough time getting through things? I just leave the city, get into nature and just stalk of what really is important...Just make sure that you don't go to a popular parachute drop zone (gets hit by a parachuter.)

Elliot

You had a tough day at the office, so you come home, make yourself some dinner, smother your kids, pop in a movie, maybe have a drink. It's fun right? Wrong. Don't smother your kids.

J.D.

(Drunk) Newbie, would you give me some trouble, I'm having a little help here.

Dr. Cox

Elliot: Oh it was so sad.
Janitor: I know! When I first heard about it I was like, "Whoa! No way!"
J.D.: You don't even know what we are talking about.
Janitor: Sure I do - the donkey-boy on ICU.
Carla: We are talking about Dr. Cox.
Janitor: Oh...Well if anyone is interested, there is a donkey-boy in the ICU.

Todd: Nurse I need you to help me to drain some fluid. But first we are going to have to get to work on this patient.
Turk: Todd, take this scalpel and carve this into your arm: No nurse will ever touch your dangle.

Turk: Damn! That boy is going to town on that carrot.
Dr. Kelso: You fellas want to go to a real donkey show? It's really very tastefully done. I understand that one of the woman who entertains the donkeys used to be on Soap.
J.D. & Turk: Pass!
Dr. Kelso: Well, standing invitation every Thursday.
J.D.: Always pass, sir.
Dr. Kelso: Well, I'll ask Mickhead.

J.D.'s Narration: Maybe he just needed time to heal, or maybe he just needed to see how much everybody cared. But I'd like to believe that it was because of me that he was finally able to say this:
Dr. Cox: You don't drink scotch.

Keith: Did Elliot leave without telling me?
Jordan: Why is there an intern in my bathroom? It's not my birthday.
Keith: She made me watch.

Dr. Kim: Yep, you've got the pink eye.
Patient: Can I put my pants back on?
Dr. Kim: Right after I put some drops in.

I guess after all this time I still think of you as like this superhero that will help me out of any situation I'm in. I needed that. But that's my problem, you know, and I'll deal with that. I guess I came over here to tell you how proud of you I am. Not because you did the best you could for those patients. But because after twenty years of being a doctor... when things go badly you still take it this hard. And I've gotta tell you man, I mean... that's the kind of doctor I want to be.

J.D.

Hello Perry. I don't really know why I'm here but nurse Espinosa said that if I didn't swing by that she would stop coming over to my house and giving instructions to my pool boy. He speaks perfect English but he doesn't have any front teeth so I can never look at him without laughing.

Dr. Kelso

(Janitor hits J.D. with a wrench)
J.D.: Owww! (points at Turk) He is the one that needs to cry you idiot, not me!
(Janitor hits J.D. again)
J.D.: Owww!
Janitor: Oh yeah, I forgot about that crying stuff...

Scrubs Quotes

Lady: Love your Hairmet.
J.D.: Love yours!

Carla: This guy's sick.
J.D.: Thanks.