Turk: How the hell am I supposed to cry?
Janitor: You need to cry, let's brainstorm. I could hit you over the head with the wrench, or I could stab you in the gut with the knife. Knife-Wrench! Practical and safe.

Dr. Kim: Yep, you've got the pink eye.
Patient: Can I put my pants back on?
Dr. Kim: Right after I put some drops in.

You had a tough day at the office, so you come home, make yourself some dinner, smother your kids, pop in a movie, maybe have a drink. It's fun right? Wrong. Don't smother your kids.

J.D.

(Janitor hits J.D. with a wrench)
J.D.: Owww! (points at Turk) He is the one that needs to cry you idiot, not me!
(Janitor hits J.D. again)
J.D.: Owww!
Janitor: Oh yeah, I forgot about that crying stuff...

Keith: Did Elliot leave without telling me?
Jordan: Why is there an intern in my bathroom? It's not my birthday.
Keith: She made me watch.

Todd: Nurse I need you to help me to drain some fluid. But first we are going to have to get to work on this patient.
Turk: Todd, take this scalpel and carve this into your arm: No nurse will ever touch your dangle.

We did all we could over the next few days to keep the transplant patients going but odds were against us. First we lost Mrs. Sykes. And then Mr. Jenson. And I knew Dr. Cox needed me the exact same way that I needed him earlier.

J.D.'s narration

J.D.: Remember what you told me? The second you start blaming yourself for peoples' deaths there's no coming back.
Dr. Cox: Yeah, you're right.

J.D.: You know what I was thinking the whole time I was with Jill?
Dr. Cox: No,what?
J.D.: God, this girl is annoying.

J.D.: Hey, hungry?
Dr. Cox: No.
J.D.: I guess that lunch was kinda a one time thing, huh?...There's no way you could've seen that coming. I mean, rabies? Come on, there's like three reported cases a year. In fact testing for it, would have been irresponsible...you would have wasted time that people didn't have.
Dr. Cox: I was obsessed with getting those organs.
J.D.: You had to be, the fact is that those people were gonna die in a number of hours and you had to make a call...I would've made the same call.
Dr. Cox: Yeah?
J.D.: Yes. Anyway, I got us lunch and I think we should eat it.
J.D.'s narration: Right then, I knew I was gonna pull him outta this. But unfortunately, sometimes the hospital picks a day where it's just gonna pile it on.
(Their pagers beep)
Dr. Cox: Oh god...come on.

Gloria: Todd? Is he the big black security guard with the hook-hand?
Elliot: Uhm.. No..
Gloria: Then no.

Todd: Hey Mickhead! Is that package for me? You know it is!
Turk: You ladies must be so proud.
Elliot: Todd, what are you doing?
Todd: I'm getting my gay-on. Hey buddy, you and I should totally have sex sometime.
Turk: See, I knew this was going to come back to me.

Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 4008 in total

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Scrubs Quotes

Check it, I put orange soda in my IV bag, I'm like a hamster yo.

Cole

Paige: You know what used to drive Perry nuts as a kid? Every night we'd play Horse in the driveway, and I'd always kick his ass.
J.D.: Can Christians say "ass" now? I have a friend - Pat Casey - he called his mom an ass once? She hit him in the face with an iron! He still goes to church, but he can't whistle anymore.

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