Turk: Is there another guy on this planet who is that sensitive?
J.D.: Okay, let it out. I've got you. J.D. has got you. Hold me tighter, a little too tight...There is a good spot.
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Patient: I'm just worried about this mole.
Dr. Kim: Doesn't look cancerous. Eeeh, get in there and take your pants off.
- Permalink: I'm just worried about this mole. Doesn't look cancerous. Eeeh...
Carla: Alright people, listen up! We are a family and what do families do when one of their own is in trouble?
Elliot: When my brother Barry came out of the closet my parents send him to hetero-camp.
Carla: Families that aren't from Connecticut.
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Elliot: Oh it was so sad.
Janitor: I know! When I first heard about it I was like, "Whoa! No way!"
J.D.: You don't even know what we are talking about.
Janitor: Sure I do - the donkey-boy on ICU.
Carla: We are talking about Dr. Cox.
Janitor: Oh...Well if anyone is interested, there is a donkey-boy in the ICU.
- Permalink: Oh it was so sad. I know! When I first heard about it I was li...
Keith: Did Elliot leave without telling me?
Jordan: Why is there an intern in my bathroom? It's not my birthday.
Keith: She made me watch.
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Turk: How the hell am I supposed to cry?
Janitor: You need to cry, let's brainstorm. I could hit you over the head with the wrench, or I could stab you in the gut with the knife. Knife-Wrench! Practical and safe.
- Permalink: How the hell am I supposed to cry? You need to cry, let's brai...
Dr. Cox: God. Could this be anymore of a nightmare?
J.D.'s narration: Yes. It could be more of a nightmare. Jill Tracy was a former patient that had once tried to kill herself. Sad, yes. But this did not change the fact that she was unbelievable annoying.
Jill: Oh, my god. What are you doing here? I was supposed to meet a guy for a date. I know what you are thinking: a Tuesday lunch in a supermarket, he is so not into her. Well, he is not! (J.D. and Dr. Cox fake laugh) I waited like an hour, just thinking: How many more guys can totally reject me without saying 'enough'? You know. So, would you like to get some lunch.
J.D.: Oh, we have to get back to the hospital
Dr. Cox: You know what, Newbie? Stay, have lunch. (Runs quickly out of the store)
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Surgeon: Todd, you were impressive in surgery today.
Todd: Thanks man! You were really impressive in the shower this morning. You know, dong wise.
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Todd: Hey Mickhead! Is that package for me? You know it is!
Turk: You ladies must be so proud.
Elliot: Todd, what are you doing?
Todd: I'm getting my gay-on. Hey buddy, you and I should totally have sex sometime.
Turk: See, I knew this was going to come back to me.
- Permalink: Hey Mickhead! Is that package for me? You know it is! You ladi...
So, now, Davey boy, I promise you we're going to find you a kidney. I would literally swear on my father's grave but whenever I go there I usually just end up dancing on it.Dr. Cox
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I dole out compliments, at most, once a year and, like a squirrel, you must gather up these acorns of kind words to sustain you for the upcoming cold, sarcastic months.Dr. Cox
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Gloria: Todd? Is he the big black security guard with the hook-hand?
Elliot: Uhm.. No..
Gloria: Then no.
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J.D.: We found you in the park throwing rocks at old couples...
Ted: Why should they be happy!?
- Permalink: We found you in the park throwing rocks at old couples... Why ...
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J.D.'s Thoughts: Wait, is she in to me? Quick, make a bad joke and see if she laughs.
J.D.: Did you hear the one about the skeleton who couldn't go to the party? He had no body to go with.
Neena: That's really funny!
J.D.'s Narration: Well that's not a fair test - that joke's hilarious.
- Permalink: Wait, is she in to me? Quick, make a bad joke and see if she lau...
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