Scrubs Quotes
Barbie, are you a real doctor, or a doctor like Dr Pepper is a doctor?
Dr. Cox
Troy: Oh, your face is red like a 'strawbrary'.
Janitor: Don't have kids.
This is why the headache didn't go away, it is actually pronounced 'analgesic', not 'ANALgesic'. The pills go into your mouth.
Turk
Janitor: Hey, we solved your stupid game.
Troy: Yeah, we have been to the libary.
Janitor: ...'brary' Troy, library.
Janitor: Okay, two coins equals 30 cents, no nickles. I swear, we've done this before...Come on man! You went to Yale, for god sake!
Troy: Relax...I figured it out.
Janitor: A penny and... a button that you wrote '29 cents' on. You think I don't recognize your hand writing?
Troy: Can't we just kill him?
Janitor: How's therapy going?
Patient: How was Acapulco?
Elliot: We told everyone that you were in Acapulco.
Dr. Cox: I never went to Acapulco. I lost three patients and spent the last two weeks on my couch trying to drink myself to death so that my victims and I could be reunited in the afterlife and they could rightly have their vengeance but then I realized that tactic would never work as I would be sent straight to hell, which I imagine is a lot like Acapulco only there would be fewer Latin men trying to sell me Chiclets on the beach. All the best.
Carla: (She sees Turk holding a beer) What are you doing? (He threatens to open it) You better not open that. (He opens it) Okay, you better not drink it. (He takes a sip) All right, You better not enjoy it. (He expresses enjoyment, Carla bitch slaps his beer)
Turk: Did you just bitch slap my beer?
Carla: Are you calling me a bitch?
(drum roll)
Turk: Yes. Yes, I am!
(To J.D.) Hey, come over here. We want to do stuff to you.
Janitor
Listen Reid, normally any damage to Dr. Cox's oversize ego would be cause for celebration. And yet, for some reason I'm not wearing a party hat sitting bare-ass on the hospital's copier machine. You know why? It's not because I have "Johnny" tattooed on my butt. He was an old navy buddy and if you went through what we did you'd understand... It's because your little theory is way off.
Dr. Kelso
Hot Female Doctor: You know doctor, I'm getting a little tired of your sexual innuendo.
Todd: ...In your endo.
(Janitor hits J.D. with a wrench)
J.D.: Owww! (points at Turk) He is the one that needs to cry you idiot, not me!
(Janitor hits J.D. again)
J.D.: Owww!
Janitor: Oh yeah, I forgot about that crying stuff...
Dr. Kim: Yep, you've got the pink eye.
Patient: Can I put my pants back on?
Dr. Kim: Right after I put some drops in.
