Janitor: Okay, two coins equals 30 cents, no nickles. I swear, we've done this before...Come on man! You went to Yale, for god sake!
Troy: Relax...I figured it out.
Janitor: A penny and... a button that you wrote '29 cents' on. You think I don't recognize your hand writing?
Troy: Can't we just kill him?
Janitor: How's therapy going?
Dr. Cox: Nice helmet!
J.D.: Actually it is not a helmet, it is a 'hairmet'. You see, it's got extra room built in so you don't mess up your hair due.
Dr. Cox: I'm going to write you a prescription for two testicles. You get it filled whenever.
(To J.D.) Hey, come over here. We want to do stuff to you.Janitor
Barbie, are you a real doctor, or a doctor like Dr Pepper is a doctor?Dr. Cox
Patient: How was Acapulco?
Elliot: We told everyone that you were in Acapulco.
Dr. Cox: I never went to Acapulco. I lost three patients and spent the last two weeks on my couch trying to drink myself to death so that my victims and I could be reunited in the afterlife and they could rightly have their vengeance but then I realized that tactic would never work as I would be sent straight to hell, which I imagine is a lot like Acapulco only there would be fewer Latin men trying to sell me Chiclets on the beach. All the best.
I started an "I hate Cox" chat room. It didn't work out the way I planned. It's just me, two interns and 14,000 lesbians.Elliot
Listen Reid, normally any damage to Dr. Cox's oversize ego would be cause for celebration. And yet, for some reason I'm not wearing a party hat sitting bare-ass on the hospital's copier machine. You know why? It's not because I have "Johnny" tattooed on my butt. He was an old navy buddy and if you went through what we did you'd understand... It's because your little theory is way off.Dr. Kelso
This is why the headache didn't go away, it is actually pronounced 'analgesic', not 'ANALgesic'. The pills go into your mouth.Turk
Troy: Oh, your face is red like a 'strawbrary'.
Janitor: Don't have kids.
Dr. Cox: How about we just agree that we're never gonna be that close?
Elliot: We could, except for one thing. I know we have our issues, but I've always respected you, and you haven't given me more than an ounce of that since I started here.
Dr. Cox: ...I didn't go into that bathroom to take a leak. I went in there because I was petrified that I was gonna make the wrong decision about Mrs. Goldstein. And I didn't want anybody to know, because it is so very important to me that people see me the way they used to. Bulletproof. And hopefully admitting this to you will make you feel respected.
You had a tough day at the office, so you come home, make yourself some dinner, smother your kids, pop in a movie, maybe have a drink. It's fun right? Wrong. Don't smother your kids.J.D.
Todd: Nurse I need you to help me to drain some fluid. But first we are going to have to get to work on this patient.
Turk: Todd, take this scalpel and carve this into your arm: No nurse will ever touch your dangle.