Scrubs Season 1 Quotes
Dr. Cox: Would you stay? And watch the game with me? Maybe have a slice of pizza?
J.D.: Of course I will.
Dr. Cox: I can braid your hair. I know the couch isn't very deep, but we could move the back cushion and spoon. [Addressing his friends who have just walked in the door] Hey you guys, what do you say? Beer and chips in the back. [Turning back to J.D.] Just ignore them, and would you tell me the answer to this question: Do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon?
Dr. Kelso: Oh, uh, Dr. Reid. I just wanted to say you're out of my dog house. That was a great catch on that patient with meningoccocus.
Elliot: Well, that actually wasn't me, sir. Carla noticed the rash on his legs.
Dr. Kelso: Well, that's fascinating. You could have fallen back into my good graces, and instead you passed the credit on to a nurse. How noble! I'll tell you what, I'll get the cafeteria staff to write "Was it worth it?" on a big cake for you!
Turk: Oh, come on, Carla, give me one good reason why you won't go out with me.
Carla: Well, you're a surgeon. So, you've got the god-complex, the cockiness, the whole "married to the job" thing. You're cute, but you're very, very aware of it. You have no idea what I'm like, so all of your feelings for me are coming from down there. But most of all, I'm looking for the real thing; and you're nothing but a little boy who's not used to being told "no." So there's a bunch of reasons. Pick your favorite.
J.D.: I'd go with the "god-complex"...but it's hard to choose, you know, they're all so good
Dr. Cox: Do you know what you've just done? You just lost all lap-dog privileges.
J.D.: Excuse me?
Dr. Cox: No more walkies, no more treats, no more following me around the hospital.
J.D.: I'm not your lap-dog.
Dr. Cox: Hey you, back there, what do we do with lap-dogs who can't behave in the house?
Doug: Make them stay outside?
Dr. Cox: That's right. You now have five seconds to get out of this room, otherwise I'm gonna start whacking you on the nose with this!
Dr. Cox: How much does this guy smoke?
J.D.: I dunno.
Dr. Cox: You realize, of course, it's your attention to detail that impresses me most. How many packs a day, genius?
Will: Half a pack.
Dr. Cox: Oh, I'm sorry, I phrased the question wrong. How many packs a day... really.
Will: Eleven. Now you don't know where I'm coming from!
(Cox whistles threateningly)
Will: Two or three packs.
Dr. Cox: Well, let's hear it...
J.D.: Oh, I don't smoke, so...zero packs!
Carla: What tests have you ordered?
J.D.: Oh. I know, I was just totally kidding with you.
Will: He was...we're all in on it.
Elliot: Your dog is creepy.
J.D.: Aww...be nice to Rowdy. The guy we bought him from used to keep him in a box full of old hats
J.D.'s narration: I never really know what to say to Turk's stupid surgery buddies. But I'm getting better.
J.D.: So...how's surgery?
Todd: It rocks...but my bedroom, that's where I really operate! Am I right? Come on, show Todd some love!
J.D.'s narration: I hate showing Todd love
Turk: I'm thinking about asking Carla out today. What do you think?
J.D.: I think the janitor's out to get me.
Turk: Wow. Thank you so much for your help. You know what? Why don't you be just a little bit more paranoid?
Elliot: Uh, Dr. Kelso! You're the Chief of Medicine, is there a special way to communicate with the nursing staff that I'm not getting?
Dr. Kelso: Well, uh, sugar won't work because they're already so sweet. Now, listen Dr...Whatever-the-hell-your-name-is, you tattled yesterday, I responded - I feel closer to you than ever, really - but the ramifications are yours. So don't try to drag me into your pathetic, whiny, little squabble with that God-awful bunch of malcontents. I hope you all kill each other! Have a great day, ladies
J.D.: Dr. Cox; I got, uh, Will's CT results back. No cancer! So, uh, what should I tell him?
Dr. Cox: I'd open with that
Turk: I'm nervous, man. Why am I nervous?
Todd: Todd's your wing-man, buddy. I will not leave your side. Hey, baby.
Carla: Keep moving, frat boy.
Todd: You got it
Carla: Come on. Out with it.
Turk: Don't rush me! I mean...you shouldn't be impatient with what I think is the opportunity of a lifetime.
Carla: Mmm. Okay, so I'm gonna go sit down because, you're so sexy, my knees are weak.
Turk: Really