Scrubs Season 1 Quotes
J.D.: Oh, Dr. Cox, I know I'm being annoying. But I-I'm really getting used to talking to patients. I mean, this is why I became a doctor; right? Right?
Dr. Cox: I heard "I know I'm being annoying," and then...white noise
Oh, this woman is just fantastic. I mean, the breasts are probably fake, but, by God, those tears are real!
Dr. Cox
Elliot: Look, Turk, I know that I don't always make the best first impression...or second, for that matter. Anyway, I'd like us to be friends, and I thought, you know, maybe I could get to know you a bit better...see what you're about, uh, for instance, when did you meet Morgan Freeman?
Turk: That's my mom.
Elliot: ...I like her freckles
Turk: I'm telling ya, Kelso didn't even ask, and she gave you full credit.
Carla: I don't care. Too little, too late. Plus, I know why you're really here. So, I'm gonna park myself right here in the "V.I.P. section," so you can give me what'cha got.
Turk: I was gonna tell you how I busted J.D.'s chops the other day for wanting to be friends with a girl. And now I find it so amazing to see how strong you are, how well you carry yourself, how I'd give anything just to wake up in the morning and watch you read the paper. But instead, I think you should hop off your broom for a second, try and remember what it was like when you first started here, and give Elliot a break. Because she may be a chore, but she is a good person. Your ass looks especially fine today.
Carla: Pick me up tomorrow at seven.
Turk: She's not the only one that can do a speech. I can do a speech
Turk [referring to Elliot]: Hey, dude, why is she here all the time?
J.D.: God! Just give her a chance, man.
Turk: Oh! You want to hit that.
J.D.: No!
Turk: Yeah!
J.D.: She's just a friend. I think it's healthy, hanging out with a girl without the ultimate goal being sex. You know?
Turk: I'm not following
Turk [about Carla]: I'm not really interested in her.
Todd: Yeah? Then maybe the Todd'll show that little biscuit some love.
[Turk stars down Todd]
J.D.'s narration: Maybe he's a little interested.
Todd: Fine. Todd'll show himself some love
J.D.: So, yes. As of now, you have no signs of cancer.
Will: Wow! Who rules? Will rules.
J.D.: Will, it's important you realise this isn't great news.
Will: Are you sure? 'Cause that's how it first hit me
Dr. Cox: Did you actually just page me to find out how much tylenol to give to Mrs. Lensner?
J.D.: I was worried it could exasterbate the patient's...
Dr. Cox: Its regular strength tylenol. Here's what you do: Get her to open her mouth, take a handfull and throw it at her. Whatever sticks - that's the correct dosage
Dr. Cox: Pumpkin, that's modern medicine. Advances that keep people alive that should have died along time ago, back when they lost what made them people. Now your job is to stay sane enough so that when someone does come in that you actually can help, you're not so brain dead that you can't function-for the love of God, what?
J.D.: Its just... do you think we should be talking about this in front of her?
Dr. Cox: Her? She's dead. Write this down newbie, if you push around a stiff, nobody will ask you to do anything.
J.D.: You've been like a father to me.
Dr. Cox: Fair enough, you want some real advice? If they find out they nurses are doing your proceedures for you, your ass will be kicked out of here so fast it will make your head spin
J.D: Maybe there's a penny stuck in there.
Janitor: Why a penny?
J.D.: I don't know.
Janitor: Did you stick a penny in there?
J.D.: No, I was just making small talk.
Janitor: If I find a penny in there, I'm taking you down
Dr. Cox: Why does this gomer got to try and die every day during my lunch!
J.D.: That's a little insensitive.
J.D.'s narration: Mistake.
Dr. Cox: The man's 92 years old, he has full dementia, he doesn't even know we're here. He is inches from Carla's rack and he hasn't even flinched.
Carla: Aw, so sweet.
Dr. Cox: Yeah, it is...
J.D.: What about his subconscious?
Dr. Cox [leans in close to the patient]: Eisenhower...was a sissy. Dr. Cox [after no reaction, to J.D.]: I think, by the grace of God, we're gonna be okay. Oh, and from now on, whenever I'm in the room, you're definitely not allowed to talk
J.D.: You know how I'm totally down with the rap music?
Turk: Dude, be whiter.
J.D.: Here's the thing: TuPac, DMX, Dr. Dre, in most of their songs, these artists use an extremely volatile racial slur...the "N" word.
Turk: I got it.
J.D.: Right. My question is this: If we're both singing along, and knowing that otherwise I would never use the word, am I allowed to say...
Turk: No.
J.D.: See, that's good for me to know. I didn't...I didn't know that