Scrubs Season 1 Quotes
Elliot: So every male in my family is a doctor: My dad, my grand-dad and my brother. I guess that's why dad gave me a guy's name....made me play sports....date girls. I'm joking.
J.D.: I know. I would have laughed if you'd paused
J.D.: Turk practically had sex in the on call room.
Dr. Cox: You realise I have no idea who Turk is, but good for him! edit
Elliot: I just hate it. I hate the "darlins" I hate the "sweethearts" ...
Carla: You don't need to tell me how hard it is being a woman around here.
Elliot: Well, you're certainly furthering the cause by wearing a thong to work and hooking up in the on-call room. Word gets around.
Carla: You talk like that, do you even know my name? I spend every second of my life either here, or taking care of my mom. So, yeah, maybe I needed a little closeness. I'm sure you never had a quickie at the club, right? Or snuck some skinny, flat-butted college boy up to your sorority room. And my thong? I happen to think it makes my ass look good. And some days, I need to feel good about something around here. And you judge me? Well, guess what, word does get around, Miss "Out For Herself", so you can dump on everyone here if you want; but you will not hurt me.
J.D.: Her name's Carla, by the way
Finally, doctors, if there is a mistake, don't admit it to the patient. Of course, if the patient is deceased - and you're sure - you can feel free to tell him or her... anything
Ted
J.D.: The medical interns are having a Pac Man tournament. Apparently we're all twelve.
Elliot: I love Pac Man.
J.D.: Me too. I love watching it, I love playing it, I love all of it
Elliot: Anyway, I know what you're thinking.
J.D.'s narration: Your butt looks like two Pringles hugging.
J.D.: No you don
Carla, can I ask you a personal question? Do you spray the perfume on, or do you just fill your bathtub up with it at home and splash around in it?
Dr. Cox
J.D.: Dr. Kelso, he's always telling me, you know, "You've gotta stay positive!"
Dr. Cox: I'm gonna go ahead and say this just as carefully as possible so I don't overstate it: Dr. Kelso is the most evil human being on the planet. And may, in fact, be Satan, himself
Turk: This morning, I had my hands inside of a guy's chest. I couldn't even see them! I should not be allowed to do stuff like that. Whazzup.
J.D.: And you weren't scared?
Turk: One way or another, everyone stops bleeding. That is so deep.
Carla: No it isn't.
Turk: It's a little deep
Mr. Bursky: So, what's it like being a young, hot-shot doctor?
J.D.: It's like... Did you ever go see a movie that everyone told you was great, and then because of all those expectations, you ended up totally disappointed?
Mr. Bursky: Movies nowadays have too many special effects.
J.D.: Yeah, that was pretty much my point
Dr. Cox: Look, worst case scenario, you kill somebody, and that hangs over your head the rest of your life... But that is the absolute worst case scenario. Come on, newbie, look: Just have the nurses do all the stuff you're still too chicken to do, which I assume covers just about everything, and if you have a really rough admission-
J.D.: Call you?
Dr. Cox: No! I was gonna say go hide in the closet again!
Turk: Todd, J.D. J.D., this is my man, Todd.
J.D.: What's goin'...?
J.D.'s narration [After having his hand slapped by Todd]: And like that I was back in high school. You see, surgical interns are all slice 'em and dice 'em. They're the jocks. Medical interns, we're trained to think about the body. Diagnose, test. The medical interns...well, we're the chess club