Scrubs Season 1 Quotes
Elliot: Mom, when I was a little girl, did I used to want to be a doctor? Maybe I used a toy stethoscope on one of my dolls?
Mrs. Reid: Oh, honey. You'd have to ask the nanny.
Elliot: Have you ever reached a point in your life when you just really wished you knew how you got there?
Mrs. Reid: Are you trying to tell me you're a lesbian?
Turk: So I told my mom how much you liked that Cuban restaurant downtown and she loves Cuban food, so...
Carla: I hate that restaurant!
Turk: Wow. So I must have really misunderstood when you said that you loved that place and you wanted to be buried in a vat of their plantains so you could eat you way out.
Carla: See? That's our problem. You don't get me!
Turk: No argument there!
Janitor's father: Hey, hey, hey, hey! You missed a spot right there!
Janitor: You know, lucky for me, Dad, I spend my life making a big circle around this place cleaning up after sick people so tomorrow I'll probably be here around the same time.
Janitor's father: You know that I hate sass! So just drop right down and give me twenty.
Janitor: Dad, that could be fecal matter.
Janitor's father: Make it thirty!
J.D.: Well, he did some considerable emotional damage, so...
Dr. Cox: Every one of our parents does some considerable emotional damage and from what I've heard it just might be the best part of being a parent. Now, if some guy ever does put a ring on your finger and you're lucky enough to pop out a youngster, I'm sure you'll understand but for now trust me when I tell you that I wouldn't care if today was the first time you ever met your daddy
Turk: All right, Elliot, at the presentation I was wondering, can I do the ending? Because I really love the ending of our paper.
Elliot: Do you think I'm cut out to be a doctor?
Turk: Okay, fine, you can do the ending. I just want to say, "Thanks, folks! We've been great!"
Elliot: I'm serious. Do you think this is what I really want to do?
Turk: Elliot, I don't know.
Elliot: You can tell me. I can take it.
Turk: No, Elliot, I'm saying I don't know because I really don't know. What the hell is going on here? Why have all women gone crazy?
Carla: I just freaked out because your mom and I have so much in common.
Turk: So?
Carla: I don't know, I got this crazy idea that you only fell for me because I'm just like your mom.
Turk: Aw, baby... That's exactly why I fell for you.
Carla: Okay, I'll probably just have a friend pick up my stuff...
Turk: No, wait, sit down. What's wrong with wanting to be with someone because they're smart and independent and always looking out for you? Okay?
Carla: Yeah.
Turk: Okay.
Carla: But if we ever get married, we're gonna have to talk about this in therapy
Jordan: Hey honey, I'm home! You know, you should lock your door there's horrible people out there.
Dr. Cox: There's horrible people right in here.
Jordan: May you forgot how this works, see, when I say that "Hi honey" thing, you take your pants off. See, that's the rules of the booty call.
Dr. Cox: Jordan, believe me, I enjoy our meaningless, post-divorce sex as much as the next guy you will marry, but your timing ca-ould not be worse.
Jordan: Oh...maybe you don't remember the terms of our settlement. When Jordan needs sex, Jordan gets sex
Kristen: You are a brave man. You're an attending here and not only you're dating a med student, you're holding hands with her in public.
Dr. Cox: Well, normally I would never do this, but there are mitigating factors.
Kristen: Like what?
Dr. Cox: Well, for starters, you are very hot
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, one of the nurses found your stethoscope in the bathroom.
Elliot: Oh, thank you so much, sir...
Dr. Kelso: This isn't it, sweetheart. I had them leave yours where it was. Let's try to be a little more responsible, shall we?
Dr. Cox: Hey, Kristen, slow down!
Kristen: You have no idea how many times you're going to say that tonight.
Dr. Cox: Boy, you're making it hard.
Kristen: You're going to say that, too
Dr. Cox: Listen, Sweetcheeks, I am seeing someone who-
Jordan: Let me guess, let me guess - dark haired, domineering, doesn't take any of your crap? You see, a lesser person would mock your inability to move on. I'm going to consider it an homage.
Dr. Cox: There is something so...soft about you
Dr. Cox: Look, I am seeing someone right now - who, by the way, is great - and yet there's this other woman who I cannot get out of my head. She's totally unavailable, which may be why I can't get her out of my head, and maybe, and this is a whole new theory - I keep thinking of this other woman - the unavailable one - because I am so afraid that the first thing might actually work out and God forbid I ever do something that might actually make me happy. Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?
Jordan: Oh my God. If I have to stay here and listen to this crap, I'll need a stronger drink.
Dr. Cox: I hate you.
Jordan: I hate you, too, honey.
Dr. Cox: Fair enough