Scrubs Season 1 Quotes
J.D.: Good news, friend. The doctor is in!
Mr. Winston: I asked for a newspaper, and they gave me a bunch of Judy Bloom books from Pediatrics.
J.D.: I don't know anything about those... You have to read "Tales of the Fourth Grade Nothing," completely turned high school around for me!
Elliot: What are you doing here?
Sean: I...I bought you some extra scrubs to keep in your locker, so you never have to work topless again - unless you start dancing, which, you know, I thought about...and I'm okay with it!
J.D.: Dr. Cox., heh. Is there any way I can get you to cover Mr. Winston? He's my meningitis patient. Little bit of a personality difference - I mean, he says "tom-ay-to" and I say..."tom-ah-to".
Dr. Cox: Sure.
J.D.: What?
Dr. Cox: I'll take him. You just gotta grab my three gomers in 408.
J.D.: What's wrong with them?
Dr. Cox: I don't know, Newbie, I'm assuming they're sick
I traded my meningitis patient - just traded him, like a baseball card. And you wanna know why? Because I was afraid of him! I'm a doctor who's afraid of sick people! You wanna take a picture with me?
J.D.
J.D.: I want my meningitis patient back.
Dr. Cox: No. Hey, do you know any women who hate themselves enough to actually date me?
J.D.: Why did you let me switch patients with you?
Dr. Cox: Because you asked me to. Oh, and because of your puppy-dog eyes.
J.D.: No, see, you're full of it - you knew I was scared, why didn't you just tell me to go in there and deal with it?
Dr. Cox: Well, gosh, Newbie, I don't know what it was about that day. Maybe I hadn't had enough sleep. Maybe my mind was on other things. Maybe I didn't have enough fiber in my diet, and I failed to do my morning business. I don't know what the hell it was, but the bottom line is I didn't feel like spelling it out for you. And I know, I know, you want your little speech, and that's fine because here it is: You're a doctor. You might get sick. Get over it.
J.D.: Thank you. Now, can I have my patient back?
Dr. Cox: No. Because, aside from his weird Judy Bloom obsession, I like him. You will be de-lousing Mr. Schaffer - guy's like fly-paper
J.D.: Come on, man, let's get out of here. There's something to do, there's...film festivals, there's theatre, there's museums. Let's get out and get some culture! How 'bout some of that!
Turk: Let's put Rowdy on top of the TV and see which one of us can throw a hat on him first
Elliot: So, what are you, uh...sick or something?
Sean: My--my heartbeat, it's like, uh, it's irregular. What's the medical word for it?
Carla: Irregular.
Sean: Yeah! That's it, it's irregular!
Dr. Kelso: Who gets to tell us the symptoms of Menier's Disease? Dr. Murphy!
Doug: Can you use it in a sentence?
Elliot: Why hasn't he asked me out? I mean, he knows I'm single, I've mentioned, like, five movies that I want to see, I-I even keep dropping things so that when I pick them up he can see how flexible I am!
Carla: Look, Elliot, you have to understand, these things take time and self-respect...so we're gonna focus on time
J.D.: You said you were gonna back me up!
Turk: That was before I looked at his chart. He's had ulcerative colitis for the past ten years.
Mr. Hoffner: And no girlfriends. It's a...gassy disease
Dr. Kelso: What are you gonna do, slugger, take a swing at me?
Dr. Cox: Maybe.
Dr. Kelso: Well, if you do...I'd better die. Because, if I don't, I will be coming for you. Good cake, today.
Dr. Cox: Lookit, you fired a dear, dear friend of mine. That woman was like family!
Dr. Kelso: Who?
Dr. Cox: Who? I'll tell you who!... Coffee Nurse. When you fired Coffee Nurse, you made this whole thing personal!
Dr. Kelso: No, you made it personal. You gave me all that lip yesterday in front of the interns. Look, you wanna know why I laid off those first two nurses? Budgetary constraints forced a cut, and those two had negative reports. And you think I did it to make myself happy...heh-heh... I wouldn't notice if they all caught on fire.
Dr. Cox: Well, then, why in God's name did you axe Coffee Nurse?
Dr. Kelso: Because you were being an ass! You're right - that was personal. My bad!