Dr. Cox: Oh, ho, ho, ho, Scooby! A married woman whose husband is still in a coma? Hoo, hoo! Can't tell you how many happy couples I know who got started just that way.
J.D.: Oh, will you relax... we just got a beer. Whatta you got there?
Dr. Cox: One hundred free booger suckers - and you'll say nothing. Oh, and Toto, please, oh please, keep hanging out with her. Because I'm really gonna enjoy watching this one bite ya right on the ass. And I good & guarantee you - she will.

Jamie: So, you still haven't asked me why I called the hospital, pretended to be your sister, got your home address, and showed up in the middle of the night.
J.D.: Jamie, you've got a lot going on right now. I'm sure you're...a little confused...
Jamie: It's time for me to start my life over. And I would love to take you out to dinner, if you would be interested.
J.D.'s Narration: Holy crap!
Jamie: Jack wouldn't want my life to be over.
J.D.: Jack?
Jamie: My husband.
J.D.: Mr. Moyer!
Jamie: Call him Jack.
J.D.: I'd rather not.

Dr. Cox: Okay, Mrs. Brady, we're gonna try to break up your kidney stone with Lithotripsy. In the meantime, we're gonna put you on Percocet for the pain.
Mrs. Brady: I can't take pain-killers - Justin's still breast-feeding.
Dr. Cox: Ohh, you like milk, do ya? Hah. Why don't you get on your bike and go down to the store and get some.

Dr. Cox: What is with these mothers doting on their children? My God! It's like... it's like nobody else even exists in the world anymore! But I tell you one thing - and you damn sure take it to the bank - my mother never paid that much attention to me.
J.D.: It doesn't show.

Elliot: J.D., you'd trust me on something that was important to me, right?
J.D.: 'Course.
Elliot: See? That's what I'm looking for! Huh?
Paul: Elliot! We're talking about dried meat, here! Why would you get in the middle of this?
J.D.: I don't know what I was thinking.

Dr. Kelso: Son, a hospital staff is like a melting pot! We all need to respect each other. Now, if you think that a specific ethnic group is loud or lazy or sneaky...
J.D.: Or ridiculously closed-minded and inappropriate...
Dr. Kelso: Exactly!... Just keep it to yourself, dammit!

Dr. Kelso: What?
Janitor: Oh, nothing, sir. I just-I thought of something funny.
Dr. Kelso: Well, maybe what you should do instead is saddle up your mop and head upstairs - someone has vomited in the second, third, and fifth floor hallways.

J.D.: Good work, buddy. Here's your twenty bucks. So you can really throw up whenever you want to?
Ralphie: Hell, yeah!
J.D.: We should probably look into that... You know, right after you blow chunks in the elevator.

J.D.: I decided to take Jamie out on a date.
Carla: Who?
Turk: You know - Tasty Coma Wife?
Elliot: No way!
Dr. Cox: Nice job, there, Hooch. I'll tell you what - you give me a little prep time, and I'll rig it so that the husband can come with ya. Honest to God, I'll have him sittin' up right next to ya, no problemo. Whatta you say?

Jamie: Thank you so much for dinner.
J.D.: You're welcome.
Jamie: But what was the deal with tipping twenty dollars on a thirty dollar bill?
J.D.: Ah, nothing. I just-I love Chinese food... and... the Asian people!

Jamie: ...Kiss me.
J.D.: I could do that.
Jamie: Mm! You went left! Very cool.
J.D.'s Narration: Thank you, Rowdy!

Jamie: So, it's cold outside - you wanna come back to my place?
J.D.: Uhh... Honestly, I think you--you might be moving a little fast for yourself. And there's a part of me that's very angry I just said that.
Jamie: I'm so sick of being alone, you know?
J.D.: I'll tell you what, if you look me in the eyes and you tell me that you're really ready to start something right now... we won't even need a cab - I will, like, I will throw you over my shoulder and just sprint the twelve miles to your house!

Scrubs Season 2 Quotes

Dr. Cox: Good morning angels. What'd you have? One-too-many daiquiris last night?
J.D.: Spence, this is Doctor Cox and...
Jordan: Don't bother, don't care.
Spencer: Oh oh yeah, right he's the scary man you told me about last night. Hey, congratulations.
Dr. Cox: For what, jackass?
Spencer: You just had a baby.
J.D.: No, no, no, she just had a baby.
Spencer: Yeah but you said it was his. And you said something else...
Turk: That he didn't know it yet.

J.D [to Turk laying in bed with him].: I can't believe how weird it feels to be back here again.
Turk: Yeah... But it seems so right.
J.D.: If Carla's so mad, I don't understand why she doesn't just crash at her own place.
Turk: Oh, she is back at her place.
J.D.: What are you talking about, Willis?
Turk: That's pretty funny! We should make that one of our things.
J.D.: Yeah, I know.
Carla: That's s