Dr. Kelso: Ted, you're a simpleton!
Ted: That's funny, 'cause I thought I was rubber and you were glue!
Dr. Kelso: Idiot!
Ted: Boing-fwip!
Dr. Cox: Principle Bob! Ya called?
Dr. Kelso: Can you explain this?
Dr. Cox: It appears to be a wiring problem! Either way, the second floor desperately needs a new computer.
Dr. Kelso: Jackass!
Ted: Boing-fwip!
Dr. Kelso: I was talking about him, you buffoon!
Ted: Boing-fwip.

Dr. Wen: Removing the old heart.
Turk: All right, J.D., get in there.
J.D.'s Narration: Turk's always looking out for me.
Turk: Told you I'd hook you up.
J.D.'s Narration: Oh, my God... Here, it's my first day in surgery, and I'm actually holding a human heart!
[The heart slips out of his grip and falls to the floor.]
J.D.: We-we were done with that one, right guys?

Elliot: I was talking about U2, the band! You know what, it's fine. He probably thinks I was just saying it the way that you would say "I love eggs." You know, I'm sure there is not gonna be a problem.
Carla: Okay!
Ted: Uh, we have a telegram from Nurse Paul Flowers - That name is funny! Uh, this is my band.
Carla: Oh, my God, Ted! Everybody knows - TV themes!
Ted: That's old news, doll-face! We do commercial jingles now!
Carla: Ugh.
Band: Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ahh-ahhhh!
Ted: The best part of wakin' up
Band: Is Elliot in your cup! In your cup!
Elliot: That's it?
Band: By Mennen!

Carla: You never explained that U2 thing, did you!
Elliot: You know, I've been thinking about it, and maybe it's not such a bad thing that that happened! Right? I mean, things have been going really well between us, and maybe it was fate! I could've been looking at my Bel Biv Devoe CD and said, "I love Bel Biv Devoe" - which I do, by the way. And I'm not ashamed of it.
Carla and Elliot: "That girl is poison..."
Carla: Elliot, look, I just think that if you guys are meant to get to this point, it'll happen... naturally.
Elliot: You're right! "I love U2!" Dammit! Why do I always have to say every little thing that comes into my head!? Ugh, I really wish you wouldn't stand so close to me after you take your hummus break. See! I didn't need to say that! I'm gonna tell him.
Paul: Love you!
Elliot: Love you more!
Carla: Ugh!
Elliot: You know what - brush your teeth, then judge me!

Paul: You know, I've been thinking a lot about us lately.
Elliot: Me too.
Paul: God, you drive me crazy.
Elliot: Oh, you drive me crazy!
Paul: Sometimes I just lay awake at night, thinking about how unbelievably lucky I am to have you in my life.
Elliot: Sometimes you're so controlling it makes me want to strangle you.

Dr. Cox: And there it is.
Dr. Kelso: There what is!?
Dr. Cox: This whole "I don't care what people think about me" act? It's pretty convincing. But methinks there's a sad little cartoon boy living inside the hairy beast. And he's sad because, at the end of the day, he realizes that the only thing people think about is what an evil son-of-a-bitch he really is. See you later, Bobbigator.
Dr. Kelso: Hey! If this check bounces, I'm coming for you!

Paul: Okay, here's what you do: First you say that, even though our relationship is ending, you don't have any regrets.
Elliot: Oh, my God! Are you actually telling me how to break up with you?
Paul: You're right. Go ahead.
Elliot: If you could just start me off, that'd be super.

Elliot: You know, it's funny... when I said "I love you," it was an accident - and I never really loved you at all.
Paul: That is an absolute riot.

Woman: Hi! Can I buy you a drink?
Turk: No, I'm good. Thank you.
J.D.: You see that? You see that right there? That has never happened to me - a hot girl has never asked to buy me a drink. Apple-tini please - easy on the tini.
Bartender: No problem, lady.

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