Dr. Cox: Oh, ho, ho, ho, Scooby! A married woman whose husband is still in a coma? Hoo, hoo! Can't tell you how many happy couples I know who got started just that way.
J.D.: Oh, will you relax... we just got a beer. Whatta you got there?
Dr. Cox: One hundred free booger suckers - and you'll say nothing. Oh, and Toto, please, oh please, keep hanging out with her. Because I'm really gonna enjoy watching this one bite ya right on the ass. And I good & guarantee you - she will.

Jamie: So, you still haven't asked me why I called the hospital, pretended to be your sister, got your home address, and showed up in the middle of the night.
J.D.: Jamie, you've got a lot going on right now. I'm sure you're...a little confused...
Jamie: It's time for me to start my life over. And I would love to take you out to dinner, if you would be interested.
J.D.'s Narration: Holy crap!
Jamie: Jack wouldn't want my life to be over.
J.D.: Jack?
Jamie: My husband.
J.D.: Mr. Moyer!
Jamie: Call him Jack.
J.D.: I'd rather not.

Dr. Cox: Okay, Mrs. Brady, we're gonna try to break up your kidney stone with Lithotripsy. In the meantime, we're gonna put you on Percocet for the pain.
Mrs. Brady: I can't take pain-killers - Justin's still breast-feeding.
Dr. Cox: Ohh, you like milk, do ya? Hah. Why don't you get on your bike and go down to the store and get some.

Dr. Cox: What is with these mothers doting on their children? My God! It's like... it's like nobody else even exists in the world anymore! But I tell you one thing - and you damn sure take it to the bank - my mother never paid that much attention to me.
J.D.: It doesn't show.

Elliot: J.D., you'd trust me on something that was important to me, right?
J.D.: 'Course.
Elliot: See? That's what I'm looking for! Huh?
Paul: Elliot! We're talking about dried meat, here! Why would you get in the middle of this?
J.D.: I don't know what I was thinking.

Dr. Kelso: Son, a hospital staff is like a melting pot! We all need to respect each other. Now, if you think that a specific ethnic group is loud or lazy or sneaky...
J.D.: Or ridiculously closed-minded and inappropriate...
Dr. Kelso: Exactly!... Just keep it to yourself, dammit!

Dr. Kelso: What?
Janitor: Oh, nothing, sir. I just-I thought of something funny.
Dr. Kelso: Well, maybe what you should do instead is saddle up your mop and head upstairs - someone has vomited in the second, third, and fifth floor hallways.

J.D.: Good work, buddy. Here's your twenty bucks. So you can really throw up whenever you want to?
Ralphie: Hell, yeah!
J.D.: We should probably look into that... You know, right after you blow chunks in the elevator.

J.D.: I decided to take Jamie out on a date.
Carla: Who?
Turk: You know - Tasty Coma Wife?
Elliot: No way!
Dr. Cox: Nice job, there, Hooch. I'll tell you what - you give me a little prep time, and I'll rig it so that the husband can come with ya. Honest to God, I'll have him sittin' up right next to ya, no problemo. Whatta you say?

Jamie: Thank you so much for dinner.
J.D.: You're welcome.
Jamie: But what was the deal with tipping twenty dollars on a thirty dollar bill?
J.D.: Ah, nothing. I just-I love Chinese food... and... the Asian people!

Jamie: ...Kiss me.
J.D.: I could do that.
Jamie: Mm! You went left! Very cool.
J.D.'s Narration: Thank you, Rowdy!

Jamie: So, it's cold outside - you wanna come back to my place?
J.D.: Uhh... Honestly, I think you--you might be moving a little fast for yourself. And there's a part of me that's very angry I just said that.
Jamie: I'm so sick of being alone, you know?
J.D.: I'll tell you what, if you look me in the eyes and you tell me that you're really ready to start something right now... we won't even need a cab - I will, like, I will throw you over my shoulder and just sprint the twelve miles to your house!

Scrubs Season 2 Quotes

Dr. Cox: Look, Carla, if you're gonna survive in medicine, you've got to accept the fact that rules are rules. Hey! Anyone from that clinical trial around? Hello? Hello?... Yeah, this lady's supposed to be in this trial.
Orderly: Okay.
Carla: What the hell did you just do?
Dr. Cox: When you speak of this - and I know you will - could I be shirtless? See, I think it would be more impressive if I was shirtless.

Julie: Why does it have to be like this every time I come here? I mean, what is your problem with me?
Dr. Cox: Okay. Well, for starters, everyone here knows that you sell pills, and yet you use phrases like "take orally" and "increases blood flow" way, way too much. I mean, jeepers, Julie, don't you understand you got half the doctors on this staff believing that if they go ahead and join team Plomox, that they got an outside shot of you showing them the cotton inside your bottle? Would you like to know the real dirty, dirty little secret? It's that your drug is so damn good that you guys went ahead and put a six-hundred percent mark-up on it. But, hey, the only ones who get hurt are the sick people, right? And since your company damn-sure doesn't care about them, and you're part of the system, that just means you don't care, either. And that's... pretty much what's making me sick; that's all.
Julie: Well, you can say what you want, Perry. But we both know that you'd love nothing more than to smack this fine ass.