"If there is something you know you can do, whether it's intubating a patient, or copping a squat on the roof, and your mind keeps throwing up road blocks, just know you can drive right through them..."

Dr. Casey

Turk: You think my name is Turk Turkleton?
Dr. Kelso: And Mrs. Turkleton! The Turkletons! Can I get a scotch?

Marco: Oh, my God. I just figured it out. This is one of those reality shows where our sister tries to convince us that she's gonna marry some obnoxious-agh!
Turk's mom grabs Marco by the ear.
Mrs. Turk: We haven't really had a chance to talk yet. I'm Mama Turk.
Marco: Oh, hey. How ya doing?
Turk: Damn, that looks painful.

Dr. Kelso: I'll just have a club soda. I'm driving home.
Bartender: It's an open bar.
Dr. Kelso: Give me a bucket of scotch!

Carla: Hey, Elliot, how are you doing with this whole J.D. thing?
Elliot: I can't believe that on this day you would actually worry about how I'm doing. Carla, you're such an amazing friend.
Carla: Don't do this, Elliot. I promised myself I wouldn't get emotional until after we took the pictures.

Carla: Turk, we're heading over to St. John's.
J.D.: Thought you guys were getting married at Holy Trinity?
Carla: St. John's is cheaper.
Turk: Oh, plus the priest there looks like Captain Sulu.
Carla: No, that's the priest at Trinity.
Turk: Oh, baby, I wanted to be married by Sulu!

J.D.'s Narration: Besides, somehow you always seem to end up with the person you're meant to be with.
Janitor: One, two, three.
J.D. and Janitor lift the chair with a pssed out Dr. Kelso sitting on it
J.D.: Thanks for helping out.
Janitor: I'm only going as far as the dumpster.

Turk: Why isn't the band playing?
Laverne: In a word? Shrimps. Nasty, one-day-old shrimp. The band got into 'em while we was waiting at the church for your sorry ass.

Carla: I want everyone to get along.
Elliot: (To J.D.) I hope you die.
Carla: Elliot...
Elliot: AFTER the wedding.

Turk: Look, I get outta here at 4, ceremony doesn't start until 5. Worst case scenario, I'm a little late for the wedding.
Carla: Do it!
Elliot kicks Turk
Turk: Oh! Whoa!
J.D.: Dude, you're dealing with a nervous bride, a woman I scorned, and two sisters with three eyebrows.
Turk: See you at 5!

J.D.: I didn't steal Elliot from you, man! She just panicked 'cause you guys were moving in together!
Sean: I don't know, J.D...
J.D.: Sean, if you have any guts at all, you will show up at this wedding, take her into your... hairy arms, and tell her you want her back!... You should... probably shower first.

Turk: Gimme that appendix! Let's close this guy up, and I'm outta here!
Dr. Miller: Wait. Look at his lesions on his peritoneum.
Turk: Oh, no.
Dr. Miller: Dr. Turk...what do you think we should do?
Turk: Leave a post-it in there for the next guy?

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 981 in total

Scrubs Season 3 Quotes

I'm sorry... It's just I miss talking to you... I miss seeing you... I even miss that weird way you sleep with your eyes open.

Elliot

Sterile high-five!

Todd
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