Scrubs

Scrubs Season 3 Quotes

Season 3 Episode 22: "My Best Friend's Wedding"

J.D.: You can't let him drive her home. She says goodbye the naughty way.
 • Rating: Unrated

Carla: I want everyone to get along.
Elliot: (To J.D.) I hope you die.
Carla: Elliot...
Elliot: AFTER the wedding.
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: So, do you ever miss the ladies?
Latino Priest: Sometimes.
J.D.: I would, too.
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: Hey, where's the fuzzy cover for my one-wood?
Turk: It's on my nine-wood.
J.D.: Aw, dude! My mom made that!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Turk: You think my name is Turk Turkleton?
Dr. Kelso: And Mrs. Turkleton! The Turkletons! Can I get a scotch?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

J.D.: You wore your janitor uniform to a wedding?
Janitor: No, I wasn't invited to the wedding. I just work here on weekends.
J.D.: Who's that?
Janitor: My date... Forks! Frannie! Forks! Forks!
J.D.: Are forks where the big money is?
Janitor: Forks and ladles.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jordan: Uh, Perr, is making out with a stranger cheating?
Dr. Cox: Technically not if it's under ten seconds, dear.
Jordan: Ah, not worth it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Kelso: I'll just have a club soda. I'm driving home.
Bartender: It's an open bar.
Dr. Kelso: Give me a bucket of scotch!
 • Rating: Unrated

Turk: If I work this shift, I can finagle two extra days on the honeymoon.
J.D.: Ooh, nice use of "finagle."
Turk: Oh, thanks.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: Oh, my God! You're actually getting married in a few hours! I mean, everything's gonna be all different. Carla, you never have to have sex again except for when you actually want to.
Carla: I know!!!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Turk: Dr. Miller, look, it's a really small wedding, and you're an amazing boss, and I feel really bad about it, so...there's a wedding brunch tomorrow, and it's only for family and really close friends, and...well, we'd love for you to be there.
Dr. Miller: That would mean the world to me!
Turk: Okay, I didn't think you were gonna say yes. There's no brunch.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jordan: Perry... Jack is at my mom's, the apartment is empty... It's just you and me... Let's take a nap! We'll sleep through the ceremony, and then go to the reception.
Dr. Cox: Can we at least have sex?
Jordan: Do what you have to. Don't wake me.
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: Danni, what are you doing here?
Danni: We RSVP'd when we were still dating.
J.D.: You can't just crash my best friend's wedding!
Danni: I'll go halvsies on the gift.
J.D.: Right this way, please.
 • Rating: Unrated

Doug: I'll have to agree with Chet. Turk, Carla, you guys are awesome! This is...an awesome wedding, and I'm having an awesome time, and you two are gonna have an awesome life!
Danni: Hi.
Doug: Awesome!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Turk: Gimme that appendix! Let's close this guy up, and I'm outta here!
Dr. Miller: Wait. Look at his lesions on his peritoneum.
Turk: Oh, no.
Dr. Miller: Dr. Turk...what do you think we should do?
Turk: Leave a post-it in there for the next guy?
 • Rating: Unrated

Todd(into phone): ... Turk, Turk, Turk, Turk. I can't talk right now! I'm at your wedding.
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: Where're the other bridesmaids?
Elliot: They're out buying an eyebrow.
J.D.: Well, that's gonna be tough on a Saturday, with Eyebrows Eyebrows Eyebrows being closed. They're gonna have to go all the way across town to the Eyebrow Hut.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Oh, hey, honey. Are you waking up?
Jordan: Why are you in such a hurry?
Dr. Cox: I'm not in any kind a hurry!
Jordan: Did you dress me?
Dr. Cox: Fine. Carla scares me, okay? She may be small, but she has very powerful legs.
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: So, Sean... You look...woolly.
Sean: Since Elliot left me, my life's fallen apart.
J.D.: It's been four days, Sean. Which, by the way, makes the beard all the more impressive.
Sean: I'm a quarter Hungarian.
 • Rating: Unrated

Turk: What do you mean, disaster? Honey, this is an amazing wedding! And I know what you're gonna say - we didn't actually get married. But you know what? Tonight, you and I, we're gonna rip it up. And then we're gonna hop on a plane to the Bahamas, where you and I can get married tomorrow amongst the fishes and mermaids and whatnot.
Carla: Turk, for the last time, mermaids aren't real!
Turk: I know what I saw!
 • Rating: Unrated

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