J.D.: Look, Elliot, just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it.
Elliot: Go back three days and keep me from throwing away my life for you.
J.D.'s Narration: In that second, I knew how to make things right if I just had the time.
Carla: What do you mean you're gonna be late?
J.D.: Sweet!
Carla: What did you say?
J.D.: Nothing, girl!

Todd: Dude, that pick-up line you gave me for all the Spanish chicks is not working.
Marco: Maybe you're saying it wrong. Let's hear it.
Todd(Translated): I have genital herpes... for you.
Marco: Nope. That's right. Keep trying.
Todd(Translated): Many herpes!... Big! Oh, yeah!

Elliot: I just love you so much.
Carla: I love you too!
Elliot: Even though I ripped off your sister's eyebrow?
Carla: That's okay... You know, this morning she actually said she was gonna look better than me!?
Elliot: Not anymore!

Worthless Peons: "(Bum-bum-bum) Hava nagila, hava nagila, hava na-"
J.D.: Ted! Church!
Ted: We do mostly Bar Mitzvahs.

Ever since I was a little girl I had this fairytale idea of a perfect wedding - and oh yeah - I always ended up married!

Carla

Turk: Hey! Baby! Check this out! You ain't gonna believe what I did with Rowdy!
Carla: Turk! You're not supposed to see me on our wedding day you idiot!
Turk: She's mulling it over.

Turk: What do you mean, disaster? Honey, this is an amazing wedding! And I know what you're gonna say - we didn't actually get married. But you know what? Tonight, you and I, we're gonna rip it up. And then we're gonna hop on a plane to the Bahamas, where you and I can get married tomorrow amongst the fishes and mermaids and whatnot.
Carla: Turk, for the last time, mermaids aren't real!
Turk: I know what I saw!

Dr. Cox: Oh, hey, honey. Are you waking up?
Jordan: Why are you in such a hurry?
Dr. Cox: I'm not in any kind a hurry!
Jordan: Did you dress me?
Dr. Cox: Fine. Carla scares me, okay? She may be small, but she has very powerful legs.

Dr. Kelso: I'll just have a club soda. I'm driving home.
Bartender: It's an open bar.
Dr. Kelso: Give me a bucket of scotch!

Turk: If I work this shift, I can finagle two extra days on the honeymoon.
J.D.: Ooh, nice use of "finagle."
Turk: Oh, thanks.

... Turk, Turk, Turk, Turk. I can't talk right now! I'm at your wedding.

</i>

J.D.: You wore your janitor uniform to a wedding?
Janitor: No, I wasn't invited to the wedding. I just work here on weekends.
J.D.: Who's that?
Janitor: My date... Forks! Frannie! Forks! Forks!
J.D.: Are forks where the big money is?
Janitor: Forks and ladles.

Scrubs Season 3 Quotes

Perry, what has two thumbs and still doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso! I thought we'd met.

Dr. Kelso

Lady: Love your Hairmet.
J.D.: Love yours!