Jordan: Uh, Perr, is making out with a stranger cheating?
Dr. Cox: Technically not if it's under ten seconds, dear.
Jordan: Ah, not worth it.

You can't let him drive her home. She says goodbye the naughty way.


Elliot: I just love you so much.
Carla: I love you too!
Elliot: Even though I ripped off your sister's eyebrow?
Carla: That's okay... You know, this morning she actually said she was gonna look better than me!?
Elliot: Not anymore!

Carla: I want everyone to get along.
Elliot: (To J.D.) I hope you die.
Carla: Elliot...
Elliot: AFTER the wedding.

... Turk, Turk, Turk, Turk. I can't talk right now! I'm at your wedding.


Turk: Hey. How's it going, Mr. Fitzpatrick?
Mr. Fitzpatrick: Actually, it's Father Fitzpatrick.
Carla: Could you do us a quick favor?

J.D.: So, do you ever miss the ladies?
Latino Priest: Sometimes.
J.D.: I would, too.

Turk: Why isn't the band playing?
Laverne: In a word? Shrimps. Nasty, one-day-old shrimp. The band got into 'em while we was waiting at the church for your sorry ass.

Elliot: Oh, my God! You're actually getting married in a few hours! I mean, everything's gonna be all different. Carla, you never have to have sex again except for when you actually want to.
Carla: I know!!!

J.D.: Ted! Can you play a little music for us, buddy?
Ted: It's gonna cost you double what you paid us for the church.
Turk: Here's twenty.
Ted: Aaaand, here's four back.

J.D.: Look, Elliot, just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it.
Elliot: Go back three days and keep me from throwing away my life for you.
J.D.'s Narration: In that second, I knew how to make things right if I just had the time.
Carla: What do you mean you're gonna be late?
J.D.: Sweet!
Carla: What did you say?
J.D.: Nothing, girl!

Turk: What do you mean, disaster? Honey, this is an amazing wedding! And I know what you're gonna say - we didn't actually get married. But you know what? Tonight, you and I, we're gonna rip it up. And then we're gonna hop on a plane to the Bahamas, where you and I can get married tomorrow amongst the fishes and mermaids and whatnot.
Carla: Turk, for the last time, mermaids aren't real!
Turk: I know what I saw!

Scrubs Season 3 Quotes

Lady: Love your Hairmet.
J.D.: Love yours!

Perry, what has two thumbs and still doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso! I thought we'd met.

Dr. Kelso