Elliot: J.D.! It's not happening. Besides, if Sean and I are meant to be together, I never would have gone home with you that night and sabotaged everything that I had with him.
J.D.: You and I are gonna be okay, right?
Elliot: What do you think?
J.D.: Probably not... Elliot! You let me know when we are.
Elliot: Don't hold your breath.

Sean: Elliot, do you wanna get out of here?
Elliot: Sean, look, I don't know what J.D. told you, but... if we're gonna give this another try, you need to know that I didn't end things with you because I was freaking out about us living together. I did it because... J.D. and I have this history and... I actually thought he might be the one. But I just ended up getting my heart broken.
Sean: Sucks, doesn't it?

Carla: No music. I swear, Turk, I am this close to losing it!
Dr. Cox: Carla?
Jordan: It's okay.
Dr. Cox: I-I just wanted to say that that was one of the most beautiful ceremonies that I've ever seen.

Turk: Why isn't the band playing?
Laverne: In a word? Shrimps. Nasty, one-day-old shrimp. The band got into 'em while we was waiting at the church for your sorry ass.

J.D.'s Narration: There she is! Do something charming.
J.D.: Elliot, check it out. Kelso gave me his car keys.
He tosses the keys, hitting her in the face.
Elliot: Ow! What are you doing?!
J.D.: I'm-I'm just trying to think of ways to make things right!
Elliot: Well, you can cross off keys in the face!

Carla: I can't believe he's not here yet!
J.D.: Don't worry! I made it!
Carla: I don't care about you, you idiot!
J.D.(to the priest): They had premarital sex.

J.D.: I didn't steal Elliot from you, man! She just panicked 'cause you guys were moving in together!
Sean: I don't know, J.D...
J.D.: Sean, if you have any guts at all, you will show up at this wedding, take her into your... hairy arms, and tell her you want her back!... You should... probably shower first.

Marco: I knew that jackass would screw this up!
Todd: Did you just dis my friend, Turk?
Marco: What are you gonna do about it, meathead?
Todd: My friend, I am about to make you look very silly!
Todd prepares to hit Marco but Marco gives him a push and he tumbles off the altar
Laverne: Things are starting to heat up.

I just wanna wish you two all the luck in the world because, you see, the key to marriage is... work.

Dr. Kelso

J.D.: Look, Elliot, just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it.
Elliot: Go back three days and keep me from throwing away my life for you.
J.D.'s Narration: In that second, I knew how to make things right if I just had the time.
Carla: What do you mean you're gonna be late?
J.D.: Sweet!
Carla: What did you say?
J.D.: Nothing, girl!

Todd: Dude, that pick-up line you gave me for all the Spanish chicks is not working.
Marco: Maybe you're saying it wrong. Let's hear it.
Todd(Translated): I have genital herpes... for you.
Marco: Nope. That's right. Keep trying.
Todd(Translated): Many herpes!... Big! Oh, yeah!

Elliot: I just love you so much.
Carla: I love you too!
Elliot: Even though I ripped off your sister's eyebrow?
Carla: That's okay... You know, this morning she actually said she was gonna look better than me!?
Elliot: Not anymore!

Scrubs Season 3 Quotes

Giddyup, Dr. Dorkian!

Danni

Turk: You know, I'm actually starting to like Journey.
J.D.: Well you're gonna be very pleased with the next twenty-three songs.