J.D.: Where're the other bridesmaids?
Elliot: They're out buying an eyebrow.
J.D.: Well, that's gonna be tough on a Saturday, with Eyebrows Eyebrows Eyebrows being closed. They're gonna have to go all the way across town to the Eyebrow Hut.

Jordan: Uh, Perr, is making out with a stranger cheating?
Dr. Cox: Technically not if it's under ten seconds, dear.
Jordan: Ah, not worth it.

Elliot: I just love you so much.
Carla: I love you too!
Elliot: Even though I ripped off your sister's eyebrow?
Carla: That's okay... You know, this morning she actually said she was gonna look better than me!?
Elliot: Not anymore!

Carla: I want everyone to get along.
Elliot: (To J.D.) I hope you die.
Carla: Elliot...
Elliot: AFTER the wedding.

... Turk, Turk, Turk, Turk. I can't talk right now! I'm at your wedding.


J.D.: So, do you ever miss the ladies?
Latino Priest: Sometimes.
J.D.: I would, too.

Turk: Why isn't the band playing?
Laverne: In a word? Shrimps. Nasty, one-day-old shrimp. The band got into 'em while we was waiting at the church for your sorry ass.

Elliot: Oh, my God! You're actually getting married in a few hours! I mean, everything's gonna be all different. Carla, you never have to have sex again except for when you actually want to.
Carla: I know!!!

J.D.: You wore your janitor uniform to a wedding?
Janitor: No, I wasn't invited to the wedding. I just work here on weekends.
J.D.: Who's that?
Janitor: My date... Forks! Frannie! Forks! Forks!
J.D.: Are forks where the big money is?
Janitor: Forks and ladles.

J.D.: Look, Elliot, just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it.
Elliot: Go back three days and keep me from throwing away my life for you.
J.D.'s Narration: In that second, I knew how to make things right if I just had the time.
Carla: What do you mean you're gonna be late?
J.D.: Sweet!
Carla: What did you say?
J.D.: Nothing, girl!

Turk: You think my name is Turk Turkleton?
Dr. Kelso: And Mrs. Turkleton! The Turkletons! Can I get a scotch?

J.D.: So, Sean... You look...woolly.
Sean: Since Elliot left me, my life's fallen apart.
J.D.: It's been four days, Sean. Which, by the way, makes the beard all the more impressive.
Sean: I'm a quarter Hungarian.

Scrubs Season 3 Quotes

Dr. Kelso: Ahhh! Dr. Turkleton!
Turk: Actually, sir, it's Turk.
Dr. Kelso: That's your first name.
Turk: You think my name is Turk Turkleton?

Lady: Love your Hairmet.
J.D.: Love yours!