J.D.: Where're the other bridesmaids?
Elliot: They're out buying an eyebrow.
J.D.: Well, that's gonna be tough on a Saturday, with Eyebrows Eyebrows Eyebrows being closed. They're gonna have to go all the way across town to the Eyebrow Hut.

Jordan: Uh, Perr, is making out with a stranger cheating?
Dr. Cox: Technically not if it's under ten seconds, dear.
Jordan: Ah, not worth it.

You can't let him drive her home. She says goodbye the naughty way.

J.D.

Carla: I want everyone to get along.
Elliot: (To J.D.) I hope you die.
Carla: Elliot...
Elliot: AFTER the wedding.

... Turk, Turk, Turk, Turk. I can't talk right now! I'm at your wedding.

</i>

Turk: Hey. How's it going, Mr. Fitzpatrick?
Mr. Fitzpatrick: Actually, it's Father Fitzpatrick.
Carla: Could you do us a quick favor?

J.D.: So, do you ever miss the ladies?
Latino Priest: Sometimes.
J.D.: I would, too.

Turk: Why isn't the band playing?
Laverne: In a word? Shrimps. Nasty, one-day-old shrimp. The band got into 'em while we was waiting at the church for your sorry ass.

Elliot: Oh, my God! You're actually getting married in a few hours! I mean, everything's gonna be all different. Carla, you never have to have sex again except for when you actually want to.
Carla: I know!!!

J.D.: You wore your janitor uniform to a wedding?
Janitor: No, I wasn't invited to the wedding. I just work here on weekends.
J.D.: Who's that?
Janitor: My date... Forks! Frannie! Forks! Forks!
J.D.: Are forks where the big money is?
Janitor: Forks and ladles.

I just wanna wish you two all the luck in the world because, you see, the key to marriage is... work.

Dr. Kelso

J.D.: Ted! Can you play a little music for us, buddy?
Ted: It's gonna cost you double what you paid us for the church.
Turk: Here's twenty.
Ted: Aaaand, here's four back.

Scrubs Season 3 Quotes

Perry, what has two thumbs and still doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso! I thought we'd met.

Dr. Kelso

Lady: Love your Hairmet.
J.D.: Love yours!