Marco: Oh, my God. I just figured it out. This is one of those reality shows where our sister tries to convince us that she's gonna marry some obnoxious-agh!
Turk's mom grabs Marco by the ear.
Mrs. Turk: We haven't really had a chance to talk yet. I'm Mama Turk.
Marco: Oh, hey. How ya doing?
Turk: Damn, that looks painful.

J.D.: I didn't steal Elliot from you, man! She just panicked 'cause you guys were moving in together!
Sean: I don't know, J.D...
J.D.: Sean, if you have any guts at all, you will show up at this wedding, take her into your... hairy arms, and tell her you want her back!... You should... probably shower first.

Todd: Dude, that pick-up line you gave me for all the Spanish chicks is not working.
Marco: Maybe you're saying it wrong. Let's hear it.
Todd(Translated): I have genital herpes... for you.
Marco: Nope. That's right. Keep trying.
Todd(Translated): Many herpes!... Big! Oh, yeah!

Elliot: Oh, my God! You're actually getting married in a few hours! I mean, everything's gonna be all different. Carla, you never have to have sex again except for when you actually want to.
Carla: I know!!!

Dr. Cox: Oh, hey, honey. Are you waking up?
Jordan: Why are you in such a hurry?
Dr. Cox: I'm not in any kind a hurry!
Jordan: Did you dress me?
Dr. Cox: Fine. Carla scares me, okay? She may be small, but she has very powerful legs.

Turk: If I work this shift, I can finagle two extra days on the honeymoon.
J.D.: Ooh, nice use of "finagle."
Turk: Oh, thanks.

Jordan: Perry... Jack is at my mom's, the apartment is empty... It's just you and me... Let's take a nap! We'll sleep through the ceremony, and then go to the reception.
Dr. Cox: Can we at least have sex?
Jordan: Do what you have to. Don't wake me.

Carla: No music. I swear, Turk, I am this close to losing it!
Dr. Cox: Carla?
Jordan: It's okay.
Dr. Cox: I-I just wanted to say that that was one of the most beautiful ceremonies that I've ever seen.

Turk: Gimme that appendix! Let's close this guy up, and I'm outta here!
Dr. Miller: Wait. Look at his lesions on his peritoneum.
Turk: Oh, no.
Dr. Miller: Dr. Turk...what do you think we should do?
Turk: Leave a post-it in there for the next guy?

"I do." And then it's classy kiss... Or sexy kiss... Or slutty kiss...

Carla

Carla: I want everyone to get along.
Elliot: (To J.D.) I hope you die.
Carla: Elliot...
Elliot: AFTER the wedding.

You can't let him drive her home. She says goodbye the naughty way.

J.D.
Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 981 in total

Scrubs Season 3 Quotes

Then for the last time, don't stick any part of your hairless body into my business. Trust me, there is nothing for you to gain from it - because even if you went on a cruise to the most remote regions of the ocean and rescued my drowning, salt-soaked body in time to pump the sea water out of my lungs and bring me back from the brink of death I would still be upset that the first face I saw was yours.

Dr. Cox

It feels good to work as a team and gather all the pieces of the puzzle together so we can finally look Mrs. Farr in the face and tell her... we still don't know what the hell she has.

J.D.'s Narration
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