Scrubs Season 3 Quotes
Elliot: Dr. Cox never compliments me about anything!
Janitor: Well, he should. Your new look has completely changed my perspective. For instance, this is not a broom with fraying edges - this is now a broom that reminds me of blonde doctor's bangs. Tough and spunky!
Elliot: Oh, my God! That is exactly the look that I was going for!
Turk: So, did you break up with her?
J.D.: I was going to last night, but then I looked in her eyes, and I realized how rare it is to meet someone who's actually willing to have sex with me.
Morning Class. As residency director, it is my pleasure to have both surgical and medical personnel here with us today. In fact, in this room we have enough brain power to light up a city. Not a real city, mind you, but definitely a tiny ant city whose government has recently passed a series of stringent energy-conservation laws.
Dr. Cox
First off, let me just say, thank you. For the last couple of months I have been adrift in a sea of puppy dogs, lollypops and let's face it, mediocre metaphors. Luckily, you people were kind enough to piss all over learning a procedure that could determine whether some poor sucker lives or dies and that reminded me of something that I wanted to remind you of. Because you see, I am accountable. I am accountable for the continuous crashing undeniable amateurism that you people drag into this hospital day in and day out, and believe you me when I tell you the next one of you perpetual disappointments doesn't even have the common decency to try and do better at something you supposedly do, I will go ahead and toss your sorry ass out of here in about ten seconds and then I will forget you forever in the next five. Hahahaha-Okay, nervous guy, bring that nervous butt up here, lose the shirt - we're gonna show these good people how this thing works.
Dr. Cox
Floor's wet. You know I liked the way blonde-haired doctor looked. She brightened my day, but you don't care do you 'cause you're unconscious.
</I> Janitor
J.D.: (sitting on Turk's shoulders) My tush is chaffing.
Turk: Alright, my turn to get on top.
J.D.: Turk... We tried playing giant black guy, remember what happened? People ran.
Turk: Damn!
Dr. Kelso: Now, there you go, sweetheart! Now you look more like a doctor and less like a lap-dance!
Elliot: Thank you, sir?
So I... I'm pretty much thinking it's time to get the fear back. And I'm sorry, but I think life is just too short to spend your time working someplace where people don't crap their pants at the mere sight of ya.
Dr. Cox
Elliot: Sorry I'm late.
Todd: Hey, Elliot. Is it greasy outside?
J.D.: Oh, that is so stupid. Elliot, you look... smart.
Dr. Cox: Hello?
Elliot: Of course I'm smart - I'm a doctor!
Doug: "What's up, doc?" I just got it!
J.D.: Maybe that's why Danni wants to break up with me, she thinks I'm too smart!
Todd: You're dating a guy named Danny? Is he hot?
J.D.'s Narration: After Dr. Cox exploded at us, so many thoughts were racing through my head: We have been slacking off lately. How did Doug get such incredible abs? And what the hell is the deal with Danni?
Danni: Hey.
J.D.: Hey... After you dressed up Rowdy, did you trim the clumpy areas around his butt?
Danni: Yeah...?
J.D.: Oh... Thanks. He was due for a good grooming.
Dr. Cox: I-I know what you're thinking, believe me, I... I do: Why in the world would a civilized, up-town man of the millennium such as myself even go ahead and give a good rat's ass about whether a bunch of snot-nosed baby docs were afraid of him. Right? Well, unfortunately the only way I know how to teach is through fear.And I tell you this because I know that this particular shortcoming will invariably affect your life... And again, sorry about the gay sailor's outfit. Your mother loves it. She couldn't be more pleasant when you have it on. Take it off - nut bag. Have it on - pleasant, approachable...
Carla: How you doing, Elliot?
Elliot: Great! I figure I spend three quarters of my life in a place filled with misery and sickness; if I need to feel good about myself, then the hell with everybody!
Carla: And for what it's worth, I think you look beautiful - I wouldn't change a thing.
Elliot: Ohh... Oh! I did, uh, tone down the eye makeup a little bit.
Carla: Oh, thank God! You looked so slutty.
