Scrubs Season 3 Quotes
Turk: Ever since I got engaged, he's been acting crazier than my fiancee. Although... Carla is going a little nuts about the dress. Dude, what's up with Tracy?
Mr. Quinn: Dude! Tracy's a guy.
Turk: That'd make you gay.
Mr. Quinn: I am gay.
Turk: Neat!
Dr. Cox: Never underestimate just exactly how uncomfortable this makes him.
Guy: I'm telling you, it was a clip-board. It came right out of the sky!
J.D.: I'm sure it did, sir.
Nurse Espinosa. I specifically requested that you transfer Mrs. Merchant to the Morning Side Nursing Home. I'd take her there myself, but then I'd run the risk of bumping into my mother, and the last thing I need is to have another conversation about why she shouldn't have to spend her golden years in a bunk-bed. Now, either do the job we pay you for, or I'll find someone else who will! Oh. Have a great day!
Dr. Kelso
Turk: Whassup?
J.D.: Oh, nothing - I just found out my favorite chips cause anal leakage and, oh, I'm not talking to you.
Dr. Cox: How did you get him to stop talking to you?
J.D.: I don't get it, man. All I wanted to do was take you to dinner, and you made me feel like a total idiot.
Dr. Cox: Wait a minute, I always make him feel like an idiot.
Turk: Why you making a big deal about this?
J.D.: You never tell me how you feel!
Dr. Cox: Aw, dammit all! I never tell you how I feel.
J.D.: I'm not talking to you!
Dr. Cox: Finally!
Elliot: Soooo... thanks to you, Sean blew me off; but I'm okay. Old Elliot would have gone into a tail-spin, but new Elliot's just gonna get him back, because new Elliot is a fixer. Like, that guy over there - if his stitches lifted and his spleen ruptured, I would just go over... and fix them!
Guy: My spleen is going to rupture?
Elliot: Relax, you're fine.
Elliot: You know what? I am just going to show Sean that he will always come first.
Dr. Cox: Gosh, I hate to interrupt this one-gal pep-rally, there, Barbie, but I give this guy two weeks - three if you are just terrific in the sack.
Elliot: Well, then it's three! I mean: You're wrong!
Dr. Cox: You know I just, uh, I just got off the phone with Jordan, who told me that my son rolled over for the first time...
Elliot: Oh, my God! That's so great!
Dr. Cox: Big who cares! Not about Jack rolling over for the first time, but definitely about your reaction to my son rolling over for the first time. Point being that I missed it because I was here. You might want to get a pen out and write this down, because here comes the inside scoop: The hospital comes first. Always.
Elliot: Always?
Dr. Cox: Forever and ever. D'aaaaaaaaaaaand everandeverandeverandever - You gettin' this?
Mr. Quinn: So, what makes you so uncomfortable? Is it the sex?
Turk: Don't get me wrong - I don't love the idea of kissing anyone with a mustache. That's why I always pretend to have a cold when Carla's aunt comes to town.
Turk: What really freaks me out, though, is the thought of being that open with another guy - any guy. I don't know what it is, I mean that's just the way I been my whole life. Maybe... maybe it's because I'm scared, you know?
Mr. Quinn: Dude... that's a little gay.
Janitor: Nurse Espinosa, I feel bad about what happened before; and so I went and searched through like forty bags of garbage... And I found the torn off urine label. Also found half a tooth.
Laverne: Over here, jumpsuit!
Carla: Mr. Thomasberg, let's get you to the lab!
Dr. Cox: Hey, studly! Now, when you were out rooting through the dumpster, you didn't stumble across your own testicles, did'ja?
Janitor: Hey, you know that long line of trembling peons that are so afraid of you? Well I'm not in that line.
Dr. Cox: Oh, you're not?
Janitor: No. I'm not in anybody's line.
Laverne: This is a Chicklet!
Janitor: I gotta go.
Elliot: You know what I realized when I was dragging my car door around? I cannot remember the last good thing that happened to me at this place. I mean, what is it about me that makes everybody walk all over me?
Carla: No self-confidence.
Turk: You could be a baby sometimes.
J.D.: Your voice gets really high when you're upset.
Elliot: Rhetorical question, okay?
You're gonna give the patient the screening, and I'll tell you why. Remember that patient of mine you screwed up? Well, I'm going to tell him it was your fault and then I'm going to spend every waking second helping him figure out how to emotionally and financially bitchslap you even if the end result is that we both get our asses fired. Your move, Chuckles.
Elliot
Elliot: Janitor, have you ever looked at yourself and wished that you were different in every single way?
Janitor: No. I'm a winner.
