Scrubs Season 3 Quotes
Turk: So I'm a little homophobic... I mean, we all got our stuff, right? I bet, deep down inside, you're a little racist?
Mr. Quinn: Marrying a black guy?
Turk: Dude, how pissed are your parents, honestly?
Dr. Cox: Carla, you're forcing me to say something that I prayed I'd never have to say again to another woman: Please, please, please, put down the cup of urine.
Cashier: 6.50, please.
Carla: 6.50? For an egg-salad sandwich?
Cashier: 4.50 for the egg-salad, 2 bucks for the apple juice that you put in a urine container.
Carla: Who would do that?!
The Todd butts in with a tray full of nothing but urine containers
Todd: Just the burger for me.
J.D.: Mr. Quinn, before I examine your clavicle, let me ask you something: Do you think it's out of line for me to want to take my best friend here to dinner?
Mr. Quinn: Well, I, uhh...
J.D.: I mean, this is like the end of an era! Okay? We've always been known as Turk & J.D. Like, when we were in college, people'd be like, "When are Turk & J.D. getting here?" Right? And then in med school, everyone was like, "When are Turk & J.D. getting here?"
Turk: We didn't have a car.
J.D.: The point is, we were together so much, this one Indian girl only slept with him 'cause she thought his last name was "Anjadi".
Turk: It was a very good day for me!
J.D.: See! This is the kind of stuff I'm gonna miss! The... the reminiscing... the way your breath always smelled of curry...
Elliot: Oh, I'm sorry, that was my mistake. I keep forgetting that you're a horrible, horrible person.
Dr. Cox: Oooh, backbone, Barbie.
Dr. Cox: Heeee-xcuse me! You wouldn't happen to be signing out Mr. Hudson to the on-call resident, would you?
Elliot: Eee-yeah, why?
Dr. Cox: He's your patient, he needs a lumbar puncture, and you can't necessarily count on the on-call resident to do that, now, can you?
Elliot: It's just that, Dr. Cox, I've got a date with this guy named Sean-
Dr. Cox: Would you do me a personal favor and excuse me just for one moment?
Elliot: Yeah?
Dr. Cox shuts his eyes and snores
Elliot: Dr. Cox, I cannot miss this dinner!
Dr. Cox: Oh! Barbie, I-I actually see your point. You should, in fact, go on your little date, because I have some busy work that's gonna take me over into the vicinity of Mr. Hudson's room, so I'll just pop my head in there and tell him that he's going to die. But, if you have a moment between dinner and giving it away for free, if you could pick up the phone and call Mr. Hudson's wife and kids and tell them about, you know, the dying...? Oh, I know, sugar. This would be just the most terrific place to work on the planet if it weren't for all these sick people. Wouldn't it?
I'm sorry! I just thought that, as a urine lab technician, you'd be at least half as interested in urine as I am!
Carla
Janitor: Hey, you know, I-uh, it's not any of my business, but I think I know whose wizz that is.
Carla: I love you! Okay, go.
Janitor: Uh, his name is Mr. Freely.
Carla: First name?
Janitor: I.P.
Carla: "I.P. Freely"?
Janitor: Funny in third grade, funny now.
Carla: Listen, Stretch, if you know who this belongs to, I'd 'fess up right now. Otherwise, I'm gonna grab you by the back of that two-dollar haircut and force-feed you the sample so you can carry it around all day. That way, if I ever want it back, all I have to do is point you at a beaker and squeeze really hard! Now, you got any more funny jokes you gotta tell me?
Janitor: No, ma'am.
J.D.'s Narration: In a hospital, every day is made up of little battles.
Carla: Can I have everyone's attention please? I officially don't care anymore who peed in this jar!
J.D.'s Narration: Sometimes you fight them not because you want to, but because you have to...
Carla comes back and picks the container up again
Carla: Shut up.
J.D.: You invited The Todd?
Turk: Dude, we left at the same time. I didn't know what to say to him.
J.D.: But I thought we were gonna, like, reminisce tonight, you know? Get a little deep?
Turk: Me too. I'm totally bummed out, all right?
Todd: Oh, that was the hottest slap I've ever gotten! I can't believe I wasn't gonna come out tonight! Thanks for twisting my arm.
J.D.: I apologize for that. (To Mr. Quinn) To you. (To Turk)Not you! I thought we were friends! (to Mr. Quinn) Again, not you and me; me and... him. Anyway, have a nice day - you! Not you!
Dr. Cox comes in as J.D. walks out
J.D.(to Dr. Cox): Nor you!
Dr. Cox: Oh, hey, this whole you-leaving-the-room-whenever-I-enter-it thing that you're doing is just... I love it!
