Scrubs Season 3 Quotes
Ted: So, you're engaged to that surgeon guy?
Carla: Mm-hmm.
Ted: Is it serious?
Carla: No, Ted. We swing.
Sean: Hey, Elliot! How you--how you doing?
Elliot: You look great! Except, the buzz-cut has kind of tapped into this recurring dream I have where my dad makes me marry this army colonel named Johnny Case who, as it turns out, already has a wife in the Philippines. Anyways, she and I become friends, but then she smothers him with her thighs and then frames me for it.
Sean: Well, yeah, I'm-I'm doing about the same, too.
J.D.: I don't think you'll be having breakfast with us tomorrow.
Mrs. Farr: Why, am I going home tonight?
J.D.: No, the cook died.
Laverne: You'll be okay, Marshmallow.
Elliot: Laverne, do you call me "Marshmallow" because I'm soft and easily flattened?
Laverne: Well, yeah... But, if it makes you feel any better, it's also because you're very white.
Jordan: Don't you love the outfit?
Dr. Cox: You know, I always wanted to be the father of a tiny gay sailor. Jordan, come on, we agreed that we would wait until he's quite a bit older before we started systematically ruining his life, right?... Right?
Jordan: I may have painted his toenails for funsies.
Elliot: What are you doing in here!?
Janitor: It's...the men's room.
Elliot: I know! I mean, it's not like I thought those were some kind of new female urinals, and then...tried them, and found them...oddly comfortable...
Janitor: No, I'm a winner. But, I will tell you something that my grandmother told me when I was a kid; even though at the time I thought she was my mother. She said, "Time spent wishing is time wasted." Now, she died shortly after that, and my sister - who actually was my mother - she never got over it. Neither did my brother-dad. But the point is this: If you want to be different, then be different!
Mitchell: Carla, love to, really, but, it's already six and it's my son's birthday tonight.
Carla: How old is he?
Mitchell: He's ten.
Carla: And how long ago was that night that you told me you were single and you took me dancing?
Mitchell: Eight years. I'll see you in the patient's room.
Oh hey, Bob-cat! Listen, I was hoping that maybe you could get someone to cover for me out at the prison tonight. I know that the very idea of you doing a favor for me makes those ass cheeks clench up so tight that you could shove a lump of coal up there and probably crap out a diamond. Right?
Dr. Cox
Turk: She wanted to come back and help. And I wasn't gonna let my baby be here all alone with all sorts of guys eyeballing her privates and whatnot.
Carla: If you can't muster up some sincere jealousy, don't even bother.
Now, I'm real sorry I cold-cocked you there, Bob. I shouldn't have done that. Even if it did feel so damn good I changed my pants afterwards.
Dr. Cox
Well, Zsa Zsa. Now you've put me in quite the pickle. You see, with those earphones on, you can't hear me; but! the odds are highly against you cracking open that yapper and annoying me today. So, what to do? What to do? What to do? Ahh, hell-(he yanks the earphone out of J.D.'s ears) Stop addressing me as "Dr. Cox" in front of your patients. When they find out my actual name, they tend to page me with questions when they realize just exactly how inept you really are. Oh, and as an added safety measure, from now on, I'll only be responding to Doc, Doctor, Ceasar, or The Big Cheese, and noooo, I'm not joking. Not now, not ever.
Dr. Cox
