Elliot: Hey, Jake. How's it goin'?
Jake: Oh, heh, I've had better days. How are you?
Flashback
Dr. Cox: Listen to me, Barbacious, you gotta stay the course here. You gotta keep ignoring him.
Elliot: But I am already ignoring him. How do I ignore him more?
Dr. Cox: Aha. Piece of cake. First you engage him, then you ignore him.
End Flashback
Jake: Elliot? I said, How are you?
Elliot: I actually don't have time for this, okay? I'm a doctor!
Jake: But you asked me how I was.
Elliot: Yeah, trying to save lives here. It's not always about you!

J.D.: Dr. Kelso, you can't do that.
Dr. Kelso: I didn't. Your friend Turkleton did. And I can do whatever I want. (Doodles a curly marker mustache on J.D. and laughs) You look ridiculous.
Turk: I thought we were doing mustaches on Sunday?
J.D.: I didn't do this, Kelso did!
Turk: You invited Kelso to Mustache Sunday?
J.D.: Enough with the mustaches, dude!

Todd: Nurse, suction.
Nurse: The patient's not even here yet.
Todd: I know.

Hooch: Everyone hates you guys.
J.D.: Oh, Hooch!
Turk: Hooch is crazy!

J.D.: Go enjoy your little rafting thing in New Zealand - which, incidentally, is ten thousand miles east of Australia, and famous for alcoholism and clam chowder. I've been brushing up on my New Zealand.
Jake: You've been brushing up on New England.

Elliot: She just got engaged. Bad comb-over and all!
Carla: When Clarissa beats you to the altar, it might be time to hang up the ovaries.
Elliot: Too mean!

Janitor: Elliot. My neighbor fainted too! Hey, you wanna go clubbing tonight? And I don't mean dancing - I mean going up to the roof and killing rats.
Elliot: Janitor. I thought we were done with this?
Janitor: I know. Thought I'd give it a shot.
Elliot: Ugh. Just...put her back in her room.
Janitor: She's not a patient. I got her at the mall!

Turk: I've been hitting you.
J.D.: Yeah, you're like the brown Hulk.

Elliot: Uh, do you guys think that Clarissa is more attractive than me?
Dr. Cox: Yes...who's Clarissa?
Elliot: She's the short, balding woman in the pharmacy.
Dr. Cox: Oh, then definitely yes.

Dr. Cox: Barbie. Go get him! I... believe in you?
Elliot: Nnnno, you don't. You just want me to go and embarrass myself so you can laugh at me! Just like the time you told me the hospital fund-raiser was a costume party! I walked into a black-tie dinner dressed as Clarence Thomas...
Dr. Cox: I was in a costume, too.
Elliot: You wore an Armani tux.
Dr. Cox: I went as someone who doesn't make a fool out of himself. How'd you not get that?

Dr. Cox: Well, he's definitely leaving for good this time, there, Barbie. I'd, uh, I say go for it.
Elliot: Why won't you leave me alone?
Dr. Cox: Oh, I don't know... Maybe because the NHL is on strike and I'm not getting my fill of toothless men knocking the hell out of each other. Or, maybe because for the first time in four years I'd actually like to see you happy for a change. You believe whatever you want, I don't really care. Jake the Snake is bearing down on you, and if I were you, I'd step up to him, look him straight in the eye with those beautiful blues, and... invite him out for a cup of coffee before he escapes.
Elliot: Hey, um... can I buy you a cup of coffee before you escape?
Jake: What, now?
Elliot: I me-I mean "go"?

Hat's off, there, Barbie. That was one potent combination of verbal diarrhea and stunned silence.

Dr. Cox

Scrubs Season 4 Quotes

You come in here and walk around like you're the queen bee. Guess what, Missy. This is my house. You and Mr. Chestless here are over. So move on! Cause if you don't, I'm going to turn your little lame liason into a threesome, starring yours truly. And I don't kiss nice.

Jordan

Was she always wearing that big hat?

Dr. Cox