Scrubs

Scrubs Season 4 Quotes (Page 9)

Season 4 Episode 22: "My Big Move"

Dr. Cox: Feel free to take notes. Alright there, Blossom, here's the hot gossip. You're having seizures again because you're not taking your medication. If this continues, you will be dead... and I'm not talking about the "oh my God, if I don't get invited to the prom I'm going to die" type of dead I'm talking, dead dead. Is that clear enough for you? Because if it's not I could of course text you on my Blackberry, or my Blueberry or my Chuck Berry, although technically Chuck Berry is a black berry.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

J.D.: Don't worry, this'll all be fine. You know Turk, I mean, whomever he blames will get the silent treatment for a couple of days, then he'll make snarky comments for a few months and then, sooner or later, he'll be laughing about the whole thing. It's just like the time I slept with his family's cleaning lady.
Carla: You slept with Tuni?
J.D.: I was staying in their guest-room & she was buffing the nightstand and she just kept on buffing.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

J.D.: But hey, thanks for taking the hit on this one.
Carla: Me? Na-a na-a, you're his best friend, all you have to do is say "I'm sorry", high-five him & go "DAAAAHHHHH!"
J.D.: Oh, but all you have to do is have sex with him & he'll forgive you. If I have sex with him he'll probably end up madder.
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: I'm telling you, dude, she was all over me. Like ants on candy.
Carla: You think you're talking to Turk, don't you?
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: I need your help.
Elliot: Fine, but I have three rules. One, when we're in the room you say nothing. Two, I get to say whatever I want about you. And three, if you break rule 1 or 2, I get to boing your curls.
Dr.Cox: What the hell does boing mean?
(Elliot pulls one of his curls and lets it go)
Elliot: Boingggggg.
Dr.Cox: (to himself)Oh god this is gonna kill me.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Sooooo Linz-o, ha h-it must be kind of cool having the same name as that Lindsay Lohan. Gosh, she's super-cool. Just between you, me and the I.V. I guess I've probably seen "Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen" oh, I don't know, 3-4, 5-6, 7-8-9 times ha h- what a film. Whew!
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: I got three words for you; sucks to be, adding a fourth, you!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

J.D.'s narration: I got to think about relationships, about how people fall in love...have kids...grow old together...and say good bye...and then for some reason I thought about the circus...but then I was back on relationships...
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: You know Lindsay when I was 15 I cut my own bangs... Oh that's right, Percival; it's a high-school hair story. Anyway, Judy Keenan told me that she would also cut her hair off; it was like a suicide-pact, only with bangs. I cut off my hair and, of course, she backed out. But even though my bangs looked horrible, I kept them that way. Mostly because those stupid bangs were the only thing in my life that I felt I had control over, you know?
 • Rating: Unrated

Turk: You're absolutely right. It's my fault you kissed my wife.
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: Dude, who do you think you're talking to, you think you've been the world's greatest husband? Please, I was there when you were flirting with your ex-girlfriend and neglected to tell her you were married. I was there when you tried to hook up with that waitress, the day before you got engaged. And I was definitely there when you hooked up with that nasty ass stripper at "Boobies, Boobies, Boobies".
Turk: That wasn't me that was you!
J.D.: I know, but I told her my name was Turk.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Janitor: Okay, how about this one? Three blue-jays fly into a bar and they say, "we just want to wet out beaks". Ha, ha, ha... no?
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: Hey, guys, I know we talked about this before but, I'm moving out.
Carla: Really?
J.D.: Man, you guys need your space.
Turk: Wow, thanks man.
J.D.: You're gonna miss me though.
Elliot: Hey, you could turn his room into a gym.
Turk: We ain't putting no gym in my media room.
Carla: Whose media room?
Turk: OUR media room!
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: How is it that no man understands that every woman, whether shes 16 or 60, still has that awkward, insecure, self-conscious teenage girl inside of her?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

J.D.'s Narration: Was it a comfortable silence? No. And I'm going to be the one who breaks it. Unfortunately I have one of Rowdy's hairs in my mouth... uh-oh!
 • Rating: Unrated

Janitor: Dr. Kelso, while I got you here, I need to discuss a hospital matter of grave importance.
Dr. Kelso: What is it?
Janitor: I'm not happy with my uniform.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Kelso: You know I could look at the demented crayon scratchings of a madman all day, but I got a hospital to run. Did you wax over there yet?
Janitor: No sir... I'll get a new uniform or I'll wax everything in your WORLD!
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Oh hey there wait 'til you get a load of this, they're giving me a teaching award tonight so I'm gonna need you to go ahead and holster up 'the twins' as you'll be playing the role of "arm-candy".
Jordan: Yeah, I'm not going. If I wanna hear someone go on & on about how great you are, I'll just listen to you during sex.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: I'm hearing the hate but I'm not seeing the hate. You... Oh my God! Did you Botox you face into an expressionless mask?
Jordan: Pedro called me ma'am.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Ah damn it Jordan, come on. Now you know I'm generally OK with you putting any poison you want into your body, but this is the first time I've ever won anything!
Jordan: It's not that bad.
Dr. Cox: Reeeaaally? Show me happy...
Jordan's face is motion-less.
Dr. Cox: Sad...
Again, Jordan's face doesn't move.
Dr. Cox: Silly...
Still nothing
Dr. Cox: Amused, bemused, c-mused...
Still nothing.
Dr. Cox: Show me angry.
Jordan puts a swift knee to his testicles.
Dr. Cox: AARRGGHH! Got angry down.
 • Rating: Unrated

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