Hat's off, there, Barbie. That was one potent combination of verbal diarrhea and stunned silence.

Dr. Cox

Jake: He spelled "attorney" wrong.
J.D.(reads post-it): "Buy Groceries. Kill Self."

Elliot: She just got engaged. Bad comb-over and all!
Carla: When Clarissa beats you to the altar, it might be time to hang up the ovaries.
Elliot: Too mean!

That's a cute couple. I give 'em a week.

Dr. Cox

Carla: Anyway, I worry that sometimes when I'm tense, I could be a little condescending.
Therapist: Actually, I've noticed that.
Carla: Have you really noticed it, "Mr. Therapist"?

Turk: I've been hitting you.
J.D.: Yeah, you're like the brown Hulk.

Carla: Elliot, do you see the problem with trying to appeal to its human side?
Elliot: He doesn't have one.
Carla: Exactly! But what does he have?
Elliot: A shaved chest, a closetful of tiny tee shirts, and the eyes of a madman.
Dr. Cox: OHHHH! I'm sorry! The correct answer she was looking for is "a giant ego"! I have a giant ego!
Elliot: Dammit! I knew that!

Dr. Turner: But Hooch, if the patient just has simple cellulitis, why aren't the antibiotics working?
Hooch: Dammit, Turner! It just doesn't make sense!

Turk: I've got something I'd like to share today.
Carla: Really?
Turk: Yeah. I don't like it when Carla pinches my nipples when we're having sex. Baby, that's-that's one of the reasons why I cry - because you pinch them too hard, and it hurts.

Oh my God, here he comes. Okay, this is easy, just compliment him - tell him he has a square head. That's not a compliment! What shape is a compliment? Triangle? Uh, pyramid? Circle! Circle head! Oh my God, you're stuck on shapes and Square-Head's almost here!

Elliot's Narration

Betty: Is Dr. Reid coming back?
J.D.: Oh, don't worry about her, Betty, you're in good hands with Dr. Dorian.
Betty: Who's that?
J.D.: That's me! Betty, Dr. Dorian. Cocoon. Wilford Brimley. Steve Guttenberg. The whole day. No?

J.D.'s Narration: Kelso had a point. I mean, in the outside world you'll occasionally see a stream of cars drive by an old woman with a flat tire. But around here, every time you round a corner, well...
(A couple are talking to a doctor, the woman's face bruised and swollen.)
Husband: She fell again.

Scrubs Season 4 Quotes

Dan: Hey, mind if I join you guys?
Dr. Cox: I think the question you should be asking is, "Mind if I diddle your ex?" Oh, and just a great big congratulations on your on-going streak of being the world's worst older brother!
Dan: Thanks, Coxy!

Okay, here it goes. Ho ho this is so weird. I don't really know what to say. Sorry I haven't visited much, I've been kinda busy. ...That's not true. Why am I lying to a slab of granite?

Carla