Scrubs Season 5 Quotes
Carla: Oh, babe, I borrowed your backpack this morning and all my change fell out the bottom.
J.D.: Maybe someone or something had to gnaw a hole in it to keep from suffocating.
Turk: Maybe someone already apologized for that about a hundred times.
J.D.: Well, maybe a hundred wasn't enough? I don't know.
Dr. Cox: (grabs a Man Card from J.D.'s pocket) Absolutely no lovers' quarrels.
J.D.: Dammit!
Dr. Cox: I went ahead and took the liberty of making you five Man Cards. Hold them very dear, because every time you drop the ball, man-wise, I'm going to take one from you.
J.D.: I don't need your approval, or your stupid Man Cards! Although the lettering is darling. Have you ever done calligraphy?
Dr. Cox (snatching one of the cards): Thank you.
J.D.: Damn it!
You know what I've been doing? I mean, besides listening to my Alanis Morissette CD to get pumped up to talk to you? (hands Dr. Cox a Man Card) Here.
J.D.
..you're an attending now. And that doesn't just mean a fat bank account, expensive new toys, and a fancy lawyer on retainer for when you kill a prostitute.
Dr. Cox
Dr. Cox: I'm gonna go ahead and give you back one of these Man Cards. You deserve it.
J.D.: Wow. ...Wanna hug?
Dr. Cox (taking the card back): You held on to it as long as you could, didn't you?!
Did you take my Porsche from the valet?
Porsche Owner
J.D. This didn't feel like my scooter.
J.D.: Mr. Kellerman! How're you feeling?
Kellerman: Not great.
J.D.: Well, that's probably why you're here! Ha! Humor is a great ice-breaker for patients, okay? Follow me. Mr. Kellerman has congestive heart failure. Okay, Lisa, I want you to start him on diuretics - okay? - that way we'll loosen up some of the fluid around his lungs. The good news is he'll go home tomorrow. The bad news is, if he's not here, he won't move up the heart transplant list. See, in medicine there are lots of Catch-22s, a phrase made famous, I believe, by an old fisherman who would stay out fishing until he caught - how many fish? anybody? - that's right, twenty-two. See, in 1492, Columbus...
Dr. Cox: Newbie! If you loved the sound of your very own voice any more, you would probably just sit in a little room all day and sing to yourself.
Dr. Kelso: Gentlemen, a reminder: As attendings, you are expected to turn in your insurance paperwork and your required urine sample by tomorrow.
Dr. Cox: Bob, I'm not planning on doing any paperwork. But I did go ahead and leave my urine sample on your driver's side car door.
Elliot: I'm a little sick of the Turks.
Omar: Excuse me?
Elliot: Heh, not you, Omar. I love your people. I'm talking about their lovey-dovey crap.
There's so much paperwork. My dad was a veterinarian, and he never had to do any. Sometimes I wish this place were more like a horse hospital.
Jason
Dr. Kelso: Who the hell is responsible for not treating that man?
Dr. Cox: Well, Bobbo, I was going to treat him, but I lost my stethoscope.
Dr. Kelso: I hate this place.
Dr. Cox: It hates you, Bob.
