Scrubs Season 5 Quotes
Todd: Something on your shirt, kid.
Keith: (Looks down) Uh? (Todd does a nose flick) Uh!
Todd: Ha-ha-ha! Classic!
Keith: Heeey...
Jordan: Sparky, it's five dollars a minute to stare in public. It's free in private...
Dr. Kelso: You're gonna love it here, sport.
Ted: Get out while you still can.
Keith: Uh...
Ted: Seriously, get out while you still can.
Junior? Have you seen Johnny? You know, Alzheimer's patient, likes to tackle people?
Laverne
Laverne: Has anybody seen Johnny, the tackling Alzheimer's patient?
J.D.: Hey! You must be Keith.
Keith: Uh, heh.
J.D.: Don't look so nervous, buddy. I got your back.
Johnny: (Tackling J.D.) WHO AM I?!
J.D.: Whaaaagggghhh!
Laverne: I found him.
Dr. Kelso: Dorian, after four years, I can only hope you are no longer following in his footsteps.
J.D.: I turned in my paperwork already, but I'm gonna wait till tomorrow to turn in my urine sample out of respect to the fellas in the lab... There's an asparagus issue.
Dr. Kelso: Now there's an answer that warrants a half-sincere pat on the shoulder.
J.D.: Thanks, Dr. Kelso! You know, he said "half-sincere" but I'm pretty sure it was full-sincere. Feel my shoulder - it's still warm.
J.D.'s Narration: Sometimes you get caught because you couldn't slip your wife her pill last night, so you had to feed her one of your special homemade brownies.
Carla: What's that?
Turk: Oh, that? That's a tiny marshmallow with writing on it.
J.D.: Hey, Keith! I just called upstairs to see how Mr. Kellerman was doing? And get this - the nurse told me you never even started him on a Lasix drip. And Lisa! Imagine my surprise when she told me you never even increased his diuretic in the first place! I'm forced to ask, are you people trained killers? Say something, Keith!
Keith: Uh... I... eh... uh...
Jason: Dr. Dorian, if he gets bad enough and we have to put him on inotropes, he'll jump to the top of the transplant list and get a new heart.
J.D.'s Narration: They're messing up on purpose?
J.D.'s Narration: Being Turk's secret roommate was going great...until now.
Carla: Turk? I'm leaving for work.
J.D.'s Narration: Okay. You've been working on your Turk impression since college. Time to shine!
Carla: Turk?
J.D.: (With Turk's voice) Baby, I'll be thinking about your lovelies and whatnot until the second I see you, but right now, I'm doing my business.
Janitor: How do you bother someone without being around them? That is the question.
Dr. Kelso: Dorian, I'm paying you to work, not stand around acting like The Fonz.
Janitor: Perfect.
Carla: Elliot, you should be excited about meeting people over there. You could totally reinvent yourself.
Elliot: You're right! I'm gonna tell them that I am the most perfect doctor ever who never needs anyone's help with anything!
Turk: That'll end well.
Turk: Elliot, by the way, what are you doing here?
Carla: Oh, she hasn't talked to anybody at her new hospital yet.
Elliot: How did this conversation become about me?
