Scrubs Season 5 Quotes
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Dorian, I have kept my mouth shut about all the recent sexual harassment complaints because I don't think it's fair to punish a man for making small talk...or, say, asking his secretary just once to dress up as a geisha girl and call him Kelso-san...
J.D.: What?
Dr. Kelso: Nothing.
Look, I gotta sex her up. I'll be back as quick as I can - so it'd be about a hour and a half.
Turk
Nurse: Oh, Dr. Reid, are you joining us for lunch today?
Elliot: Ahhh... anyone want half a tofu-cheese sandwich?
J.D.: I'm gonna have a good year, aren't I?
Dr. Cox: Anything can happen.
Carla: That's it. All my birth control pills are gone.
Turk: Not exactly. That fig newton you're about to eat is not only fat-free but it's baby-free!
Carla: I just don't get it, Turk.
Turk: Look, we had sex twenty times in eight days, and I bet it's because you sensed my hesitance.
Dr. Kelso: Well, at least there's one attending around here I can count on.
Elliot: Ah, the hell with it, Bob. I don't work here! Have a good one!
Dr. Kelso: I hate this place
Dr. Cox: And it hates you, Bob.
Dr. Kelso: But now I need to know: Is this the type of attending you're going to be?
J.D.: I guess so.
Dr. Kelso: Anything else?
J.D.'s Narration: I could tell him there's nothing in my cup and I'm just pretending to drink to seem nonchalant...
J.D.: No.
Carla: Ah, you three are ridiculous.
Elliot: Hey! I'm just here to grab a ride to work.
Carla: At a hospital where you don't actually work! And you?
Turk: How am I supposed to tell you that I'm not ready to have a baby when you're so excited?
Carla: And you secretly moving back in here?... Now, I really don't love being den-mother to you three... fine, it's like crack to me.
Turk: Actually, J.D.'s been living here secretly.
J.D.: Turk, why!?!
Turk: Because I gotta get those damn judgmental eyes off me!
"Turk": J.D. didn't want to live here, I begged him.
Carla: Is that true?
Turk: I didn't say that - J.D. can do my voice.
Elliot: Hey, it's getting good!
J.D.: Well, thank you! Aw, I lost it...
The next morning was not good. Carla was not talking to Turk, Elliot had dropped by to help not talk to Turk, and I was sneaking out in my undies because my clothes were downstairs in the dryer.
J.D.'s Narration
Turk: Elliot, why are you here!?
Elliot: Oh, I have to make Kelso think I still work here so he doesn't have me arrested for stealing medical supplies.
J.D.'s Narration: As for me, I caught my culprit because he made the classic mistake of returning to the scene of the crime. And all because I, too, had been eating Turk's special homemade brownies.
Dr. Cox: Angie, my buddy down in the lab just told me that your urinalysis came back positive for the birth control pill. So! I will be taking one of... these. Thank you!
J.D.: Dammit!
