Favorite Seinfeld Quotes
I feel like I've had two lives. My pre-mousse, and now I begin my post-mousse.
Kramer
(mocking Alton Benes) He's in the bathroom.
George
I love my phone machine. I wish I was a phone machine. I wish if I saw somebody on the street I didn't want to talk to, I could go, "Excuse me; I'm not in right now. If you would just leave a message, I could walk away." I also have a cordless phone, but I don't like that as much, because you can't slam down a cordless phone. You get mad at somebody on a real phone "You can't talk to me like that!" Bang! You know. You get mad at somebody on a cordless phone "You can't talk to me like that!" (Jerry searches for the 'off' button on his mimed phone, and presses it feebly, in a comedic sort of way) "I told him!"
Jerry
Kramer: I said, "I know about the stuff," you know, so he'd take me into his confidence.
Elaine: What did he say?
Kramer: "What stuff?"
Jerry: Oh, case closed.
(to George) I don't know what your parents did to you.
Elaine
Instead of doing a wash, I just keep buying underwear. My goal is to have over 360 pair. That way I only have to do wash once a year.
George
Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.
Jerry
Carol: Would you like to come upstairs for coffee?George: No, thanks, I can't drink coffee late at night. It keeps me up.
Marlene: I can't be with someone if I don't respect what they do.
Jerry: You're a cashier!
Believe me. Boy-boy-girl? It doesn't look good.
George
George: What about like an announcer? Like a color man? You know how I always make those interesting comments during the game?
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah. You make good comments.
George: So? What about that?
Jerry: Well, they tend to give those jobs to ex-ballplayers and, ya know, people in broadcasting.
George: That's really not fair.
Jerry: What you're suggesting is illegal.
Kramer: It's not illegal!
Jerry: It's against the law.
Kramer: Well, yeah.