Favorite Seinfeld Quotes
Believe me. Boy-boy-girl? It doesn't look good.
George
Marlene: I can't be with someone if I don't respect what they do.
Jerry: You're a cashier!
And I'll tell you something else, I'm not even going to ask you. I want to know. But I'm not gonna ask. You'll tell me when you feel comfortable. So what was it? Four hundred? Five hundred? Did you pay five hundred for this? (Jerry coyly ignores George's questions, while George grows increasingly serious.) Over six? Can't be seven. Don't tell me you paid seven hundred dollars for this jacket! Did you pay seven hundred dollars for this jacket? Is that what you're saying to me? You are sick! Is that what you paid for this jacket? Over seven hundred? What did you pay for this jacket? I won't say anything. I wanna know what you paid for this jacket! Oh my God! A thousand dollars? You paid a thousand dollars for this jacket? All right, fine. (George heads for the door) I'm walking outta here right now thinking you paid a thousand dollars for this jacket, unless you tell me different. (Jerry remains silent) Oh, ho! All right! I'll tell you what, if you don't say anything in the next five seconds, I'll know it was over a thousand.
George
Instead of doing a wash, I just keep buying underwear. My goal is to have over 360 pair. That way I only have to do wash once a year.
George
(mocking Alton Benes) He's in the bathroom.
George
George: My whole life has been a complete waste of time.Jerry: And there's so much more to go.
I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I I I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car-horn honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. E-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh! This man is out of ideas. How does it? E-e-e-eeeehhhh! "I don't think she likes me." The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like "Where to meet men?" We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.
Jerry
A wedding!? Have you lost it, man?
Elaine
(to George) I don't know what your parents did to you.
Elaine
I love my phone machine. I wish I was a phone machine. I wish if I saw somebody on the street I didn't want to talk to, I could go, "Excuse me; I'm not in right now. If you would just leave a message, I could walk away." I also have a cordless phone, but I don't like that as much, because you can't slam down a cordless phone. You get mad at somebody on a real phone "You can't talk to me like that!" Bang! You know. You get mad at somebody on a cordless phone "You can't talk to me like that!" (Jerry searches for the 'off' button on his mimed phone, and presses it feebly, in a comedic sort of way) "I told him!"
Jerry
George: You can't have people shoving their arms into a 600 degree oven.
Kramer: It's all supervised!
Elaine: So, was Mia Farrow there?
Kramer: Uh, I didn't see him.
