Seinfeld

Seinfeld Season 1 Quotes (Page 2)

Season 1 Episode 3: "The Robbery"

Jerry: And I cannot overstate this: no soft cheeses of any kind. Is that clear?
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Kramer: How can you not have insurance?
Jerry: Because I spent my money on the Clapco 8000. It's the most powerful lock they make. It has only one design flaw...the door...MUST BE CLOSED!!
 • Rating: Unrated

Response when he realizes his answering machine was taken:
Jerry: I hate the thought of someone out there returning my calls.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kramer: I'm human...
Jerry: In your way.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: (giving house sitting instructions) One last thing, Benes. Regarding sexual activitystrictly prohibited, but, if you absolutely must, do us all a favor and do it in the tub.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kramer: I said, "I know about the stuff," you know, so he'd take me into his confidence.
Elaine: What did he say?
Kramer: "What stuff?"
Jerry: Oh, case closed.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Elaine: (claps hands) That is the single greatest packing performance I have ever seen.
Jerry: I am the master packer.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elaine: Excuse me, master packer!
Jerry: Yes.
Elaine: Just gimme your keys.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: The hot water takes a little while to come on. So, the best thing to do is to turn it on, do all your shopping, you come back and take a shower.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elaine: No, I'm staying here for the weekend. I'm getting a break from my roommate.
George: Oh, the actress-waitress.
Elaine: No, the waitress-actress.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elaine: She just got some part in some dinner-theater production of a Chorus Line. So, now all day long she's walking around the apartment singing: (breathless singing) "God, I hope I get it, I hope I get it". (stops singing) She's gonna get it right in her
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jerry: Two bedrooms? Why do I need two bedrooms? I got enough trouble maintaining activity in one.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elaine: You should at least take a look at this place. You shouldn't have to live like this.
Jerry: Like this? You just said you wanted to live here.
Elaine: Well, for me it's a step up. It's like moving from Iceland to Finland.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kramer: Well, I got caught up watching a soap opera The Bold and the Beautiful.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: (turns around and sees George) How did you get in here?
George: (does some hand and arm motions)
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: (to Elaine) You would still wanna move in here?
Elaine: Yes! You don't understand. I'm living with Ethel Merman without the talent.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: How do you get all that wood in here?
Elaine: They deliver it.
Jerry: They deliver wood?
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: What da ya tip a "wood guy"?
 • Rating: Unrated

Elaine: Look! Look atlook at this! There's a garden.
George: A garden! I can't believe there's a garden!
Jerry: Would I have to get a gardener?
Elaine: Yeah, you can get a gardener.
Jerry: You tip him?
 • Rating: Unrated

Elaine: Jerry, you can barbecue back here (points to garden).
Jerry: They deliver the coal?
Elaine: Sure, it's probably the same guy, who delivers the wood.
Jerry: Oh, than I gotta tip him.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: You could take it? You want it?
George: No, I don't want it. I want it, if you don't want it.
Jerry: So you do want it.
George: No I, I want it if you don't want it!
Jerry: You just said, you wanted it!
 • Rating: Unrated

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