Seinfeld

Seinfeld Season 1 Quotes (Page 3)

Season 1 Episode 3: "The Robbery"

Elaine: Excuse me, uh, I don't mean to cause any trouble here, but George, if you take it, can I take your place?
 • Rating: Unrated

George: (screaming) WHY DID I PUT UP TWO? WHY DID I PUT UP TWO?!!!
 • Rating: Unrated

Kramer: Now, I'm gonna go over there, I'm gonna borrow some tea. If I don't get back in five minutes, maybe you'd better call the police.
Jerry: OK, starting (looks at his watch)NOW!
Kramer: Yeah! (runs off)
 • Rating: Unrated

George: I go to visit my grandparents. They're having big brisket sandwiches; I'm sitting here with a carrot!
 • Rating: Unrated

Larry: I'm running in the park now, I've lost weight, we're barbecuing every night and the rent is unbelievable.
George: We're really glad for you.
Elaine: Couldn't be happier.
Jerry: It's wonderful.
 • Rating: Unrated

Diane: How, how could you guys have turned this place down, it's such a great location and it's so close to the park.
George: We're aware of the proximity to the park, yes.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: How late are the stores open? I'm thinking of maybe of buying a new TV and smash it over my head.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: So I move into the center lane, now I get ahead of this women, who felt for some reason I guess, that she thought that I cut her off. So, she pulls up along side of me, gives me the finger. It seems like such an arbitrary, ridiculous thing to just pick a finger and you show it to the person. It's a finger, what does it mean? Someone shows me one of their fingers and I'm supposed to feel bad. Is that the way it's supposed to work? I mean, you could just give someone the toe, really, couldn't you? I would feel worse if I got the toe, than if I got the finger. 'Cause it's not easy to give someone the toe, you've gotta get the shoe off, the sock off and drive, get it up and (Jerry pretends to drive with one foot in the air, giving the toe.) "Look at that toe, buddy." (He puts his foot down.) I mean, that's really insulting to get the toe, isn't it?
 • Rating: Unrated

Policeman: Let's see, that's uh, one TV, a stereo, one leather jacket, a VCR and a computer is that 'bout it?
Elaine: Answering machine.
Jerry: Answering machine. Oh, I hate the idea of someone out there returning my calls.
 • Rating: Unrated

Policeman: Well, Mr. Seinfeld, we'll look into it and, uh, we'll let you know if we find anything.
Jerry: Do you ever find anything?
Policeman: No.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 2: "The Stakeout"

Jerry: Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jerry: Wait a second That's her on the right.
George: I forgot who I am! Who am I?!
Jerry: You're you. We're having lunch with Art Corvelay.
George: Vandelay!
Jerry: Corvelay!
George: Let me be the architect, I can do it!
 • Rating: Unrated

George: ArtCore.
Jerry: Art Core?
George: velay.
Jerry: Corevelay?
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: (opening bit) I think to a man, a cheque is like a note from your mother that says "I don't have any money, but if you'll contact these people, I'm sure they'll stick up for me... If you just trust me this one time I don't have any money but I have these... I wrote on these... is this of any value at all?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

George: I'm, uh, I'm an architect.
Vanessa: Really. What do you design?
George: Uh, railroads, uh
Vanessa: I thought engineers do that.
George: They can
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: So, do you date immature men?
Vanessa: Almost exclusively.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jerry: What's that one?
Elaine: "Cocoon II: The Return". I guess they didn't like it up there
Jerry: Maybe they came back for Chinese food. Y'know Maureen Stapleton, if she gets a craving, she's probably screaming at those aliens, "I gotta have a Lo Mein!"
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

Elaine: What do you think their parents think?
Jerry: "So, uh, what's your son doing now, Dr. Stevens?" "Oh, he's a public fornicator. Yes, he's a fine boy."
 • Rating: Unrated

Elaine: A wedding!? Have you lost it, man?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Elaine: C'mon lets go, c'mon
Jerry: Was I supposed to bring something?
Elaine: You could have.
Jerry: I met her one time
Elaine: It is not necessary.
 • Rating: Unrated

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