Big brokerage houses killed my father.

George

No, no, no, you don't understand! I'm not a lesbian! I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian!

Elaine

See what I get? 35 years on this train, and I finally talk to someone, and it turns out to be the best man of a lesbian wedding!

Woman on the train

Woman: I started riding these trains in the '40s. Those days a man would give up their seat for a woman. Now we're liberated and we have to stand.
Elaine: It's ironic.
Woman: What's ironic?
Elaine: This -- that we've come all this way, we've made all this progress, but, you know, we've lost the little things, the niceties.
Woman: No, I mean what does "ironic" mean?

(to the naked man) Tell you what, if they win the pennant this year, I'll sit naked with you at the World Series.

Jerry

I never feel comfortable in the woman's department. I feel like I'm a little too close to trying on a dress.

Jerry

You want an overview? I see a very cheap man holding a damaged sweater, trying to get away with something. That's my overview.

Jerry

Dick: So, you're Jerry.
Jerry: So, I'm Jerry.

George: ...next thing I knew, she was mopping up the floor with me.
Jerry: How was it?
George: The sex was good, but I threw up from the Hennigan's.
Jerry: Good thing the cleaning woman was there.

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