South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralPopular South Park Quotes
Stan: Holy Crap Dude, Satan's huge!
Jimbo: Now that's is the guy who has been eating a lot of beef.
Mr. Mackey: Wh-wh-what you need to do, uh, Damien is...is to be overly nice. See, n-no matter how mean the other kids are to you, just don't retaliate. Err, be passive, mmm'kay? That's what I taught the little British boy, Pip, an-and just look at how much the other children like him now!
(scene changes to the playground, a group of kids are gathered around Pip)
Clyde: I bet I could spit the most on him! (spits on his left shoulder
Bebe: Oh, yeah? I bet I could spit in his hair! (spits in his right eye)
Pip: Oh! Nice try! A little higher and you've got it!
Mr. Garrison: Children, children! Today is a very special day.
Cartman: No, my birthday isn't until Saturday.
Mr. Garrison: I'm not talking about your birthday, Eric!
Cartman: Do-do-do-do-do-do, here you go Kyle,Cartman hands Kyle an envelope. and here's yours Stan,Cartman hands Stan an envelope.
Kyle: What is this Cartman?
Cartman: There invitations to my birthday party this weekend!
Stan: Oh sweet! Your mom is giving you a big party again this year?
Cartman: That's right! Music plays because it's my birthday! B-b-b-b-birthday!Music ends
Kyle: Kick ass dude! Cartman's mom throws the best birthday parties EVER!
Cartman: That's right!
Stan: Yeah, if my mom can cook like Cartman's mom, I'd be a big fatass too!
Cartman: That's righ- HEY!!!
Stan: Hey Jesus!
Jesus: What are you doing out so late kids?
Kyle: We have to find Red Megaman and Green Megaman for Cartman's party.
Jesus: Oh. Kids, you believe I can beat Satan right?
Stan: Sure dude, you're the son of God.
Kyle: Yeah. You're not having any doubts are you?
Jesus: N-No no! But could you help me train a little?
Cartman: You guys, shouldn't you be out shopping for my birthday present?
Kyle: Here Jesus, drink these raw eggs.
Jesus: No way dude!
Chef: I-I-I cant! I can't hit Jesus Christ! My mother will never speak to me again!
Stan: But you're his fighting partner Chef!
Kyle: Yeah! You have to hit him!
Jesus: Satan must be defeated Chef! Please help me train.
Chef: Ok, but I'm just gonna tap you alright?
Jesus: Give it your best shot! (Chef punches Jesus on the face) Oh!
Chef: Oh god in heaven! What have I done?
Jesus: Anybody got the number of that truck?
Mr. Mackey: Now why do you think the children like you?
Damien: Because... I'm the son of the Devil.
Mr. Mackey: Mmkay, now there's a start. Why else?
Damien: Because I... burn them and kill them?
Pip: Oh Eric, I didn't get an invitation.
Cartman: Oh, really?! Gosh! Where could I have put Pip's invitation? Let's see, Pip's invitation, Pip's invitation... Oh! I remember! I shoved it up my ass! Yes, that's right! I wrote it out, put it in an envelope, sealed it, and then shoved it right up my ass, forever ruining any chance you had of coming to my birthday party! Sorry, Pip ol' chap!
Pip: Oh, good day Damien, my name is Phillip, but everyone calls me Pip because they hate me.
Damien: Then I will call you Pip.
Pip: Right-o.
Wendy, you are to get me the Yellow Mega Man. Which was supposed to be a gift given by Kenny, but Kenny has been turned into a duckbill platypus.
Cartman
Cartman: And Kyle got me red Mega...(opens gift) Ants in the Pants? Ants in the Pants? (angrily) ANTS IN THE PANTS!?
Kyle: It's a game, dude. It's really fun!
Cartman: You son of a bitch! (leaps on Kyle) You were supposed to get me the Red Megaman! Now I can't make Ultra Mega Megaman! You dirty cheap ass piece of crap!
Kyle: They were all out of them, dude!
Cartman: I hate you! I want you to die! (Kyle screams) That's it! Party is over! Everybody go home!
Stan: What's gonna be for lunch today Chef?
Chef: Well, today it's Salisbury steak with buttered noodles, and a choice of green bean casserole, or vegetable medley.
Cartman: Kickass.
