South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
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Do you know what the speed limit is hee-yah?

Cartman

Officer Barbrady: Yes, at first I was happy to be learning how to read. It seemed exciting and magical, but then I read this: Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I read every last word of this garbage, and because of this piece of s**t, I am never reading again.

Now move along, or I'll be forced to execute every one of you by gunshot to the head.

Officer Barbrady

Father Maxi: Who would have sex with a chicken?
Halfy: I would.
Mr. Garrison: Aw you couldn't screw anything Halfy, you don't have any legs.
Father Maxi: Have some respect for people's feelings, would you Halfy?

Bookmobile Driver: How did you know I would strike here?
Officer Barbrady: By reading Teetle the Timid Taxidermist.
Bookmobile Driver: You did?! Really?! Then it worked! My whole plan worked absolutely perfectly!
Stan: What are you talking about, dude?
Bookmobile Driver: When I heard that Officer Barbrady couldn't read, I knew I had to motivate him somehow. So I formulated a plan to encourage him to learn the magic of reading!
Kyle: So you f**ked a bunch of chickens?

Teedle... the.. timid.. taxidermist... loved to go to the.... Oh goddamn, reading is lame!

Officer Barbrady

(on being told the "fast-food restaraunt" is actually a bank)
Officer Barbrady: Well I know that! What do you think I am? Stupid?
Teller: Yep.

Displaying quotes 13 - 19 of 19 in total

South Park Season 2 Episode 3 Quotes

Now move along, or I'll be forced to execute every one of you by gunshot to the head.

Officer Barbrady

Reporter: Has chicken f(bleep)er left any clues at the crime
Officer Barbrady: All right, I admit it! I can't read! Are you happy now? You pushed and you pushed, and now you know my deep dark secret; I'm illegitimate!