South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
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(while "healing" Kyle) Right now, all the Jew-ness is coming out of your body!

Cartman

Chris: Saddam, I get the feeling that you don't like me very much.
Saddam: Gee, whatever gave you that idea? When I stabbed you in the head?

Satan, I'm a 90's man. I cry when I need to.

Chris

(about Kenny) God bitch-slapped him right to the fiery depths of hell!

Cartman

Kyle: You are so going to hell Cartman!
Cartman: (rolling in money) Suck my balls!

Satan you were kicked out of heaven for being a strong rebel, and now your a whiney little bitch.

God

Jesus: But Eric, I think this time I have to teach you a lesson! I'm sending you somewhere to think about your sins!
Cartman: You're gonna send me to hell?
Jesus: No. Worse!
(Ensenada, Mexico, day. Mariachi music plays in the background. A tour bus stops in front of Papas and Beer and drops Cartman off, then pulls away.)
Kenny: (rushes up to him) Eric! Eric!
Cartman: (sees Kenny) Aw, crap!

(Hell, waiting area. Many souls are there, wondering where they are, and why.)
Hell Director: Hello, newcomers, and welcome. Can everybody hear me? (taps the mic a few times) Hello? Can everybuh-? Okay. (the crowd quiets down) Uh, I'm the hell director. Uh, it looks like we have about 8,615 of you newbies today, and for those of you who are a little confused, uh, you are dead, and this is hell, so, abandon all hope and uh yada yada yada. Uh, we are now going to start the orientation process, which will last about-
Man 4: Hey, wait a minute, I shouldn't be here. I was a totally strict and devout Protestant! I thought we went to heaven!
Hell Director: Yes, well I'm afraid you were wrong.
Soldier: I was a practicing Jehovah's Witness.
Hell Director: Uh, you picked the wrong religion as well.
Man 5: Well, who was right? Who gets into heaven?
Hell Director: I'm afraid it was the Mormons. Yes, the Mormons were the correct answer.
Crowd: (disappointed) Awww.

Kenny said that in hell, people speak Spanish and the water there gives you diarrhea.

Cartman
Displaying quotes 13 - 21 of 21 in total

South Park Season 4 Episode 10 Quotes

Satan: I just don't know which one to pick.
God: Now you've become dependent on relationships.

(to Satan) If you're not sexually attracted to someone, then you're not ever going to be. But Saddam isn't right for you either, he's the other extreme. You should try spending some time alone, find the middle ground. That's what I do, because I'm a Buddhist.

God