South Park

South Park "Probably" Quotes

Cartman: Kenny said that in hell, people speak Spanish and the water there gives you diarrhea.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(Hell, waiting area. Many souls are there, wondering where they are, and why.)
Hell Director: Hello, newcomers, and welcome. Can everybody hear me? (taps the mic a few times) Hello? Can everybuh-? Okay. (the crowd quiets down) Uh, I'm the hell director. Uh, it looks like we have about 8,615 of you newbies today, and for those of you who are a little confused, uh, you are dead, and this is hell, so, abandon all hope and uh yada yada yada. Uh, we are now going to start the orientation process, which will last about-
Man 4: Hey, wait a minute, I shouldn't be here. I was a totally strict and devout Protestant! I thought we went to heaven!
Hell Director: Yes, well I'm afraid you were wrong.
Soldier: I was a practicing Jehovah's Witness.
Hell Director: Uh, you picked the wrong religion as well.
Man 5: Well, who was right? Who gets into heaven?
Hell Director: I'm afraid it was the Mormons. Yes, the Mormons were the correct answer.
Crowd: (disappointed) Awww.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jesus: But Eric, I think this time I have to teach you a lesson! I'm sending you somewhere to think about your sins!
Cartman: You're gonna send me to hell?
Jesus: No. Worse!
(Ensenada, Mexico, day. Mariachi music plays in the background. A tour bus stops in front of Papas and Beer and drops Cartman off, then pulls away.)
Kenny: (rushes up to him) Eric! Eric!
Cartman: (sees Kenny) Aw, crap!
 • Rating: Unrated

God: Satan you were kicked out of heaven for being a strong rebel, and now your a whiney little bitch.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: You are so going to hell Cartman!
Cartman: (rolling in money) Suck my balls!
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: (about Kenny) God bitch-slapped him right to the fiery depths of hell!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chris: Satan, I'm a 90's man. I cry when I need to.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chris: Saddam, I get the feeling that you don't like me very much.
Saddam: Gee, whatever gave you that idea? When I stabbed you in the head?
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: (while "healing" Kyle) Right now, all the Jew-ness is coming out of your body!
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: (preaching) Right here we have a little girl who is very, very ugly. Do you believe He is going to cure your face of the uglies?
Ugly girl: Yes!
Cartman: He's going to take that face and make you reasonable to look at!
 • Rating: Unrated

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