Mr. Hat: I'm your friend, Mr. Hat, Stan. You can tell me anything. Now, who hits you? Is it your father or your mother?
Stan: Well, neither one. It's my sister.
Mr. Garrison: Your sister? For God's sake, quit being such a little wuss! Stop wasting Mr. Hat's time with pansy, little fu-fu problems. And give me back my cocoa!

• Permalink: I'm your friend, Mr. Hat, Stan. You can tell me anything. Now, w...
• Added: February 09, 2010

Cartman: If a girl pulled that with me I'd be like: "Yo! Why don't you start dressing me up like a mailman and making me dance for you while you go smoke crack and have sex with some guy in my dad's bed"!
Kyle: Dude, what the hell are you talking about?
Cartman: I'm just saying Stan's a wuss is all.

• Permalink: Yo! Why don't you start dressing me up like a mailman and making...
• Added: February 09, 2010

Ms. Crabtree [about the elephant]: Excuse me, but what is that?
Kyle: That's the new retarded kid.
Ms. Crabtree: Sorry, little girl, but you still can't get on. You'll have to take the special ed bus.

• Permalink: Excuse me, but what is that? That's the new retarded kid. So...
• Added: February 09, 2010

Stan: What is that?
Kyle: That's my new pet elephant. He was supposed to come in from Africa in 46 weeks, but it only took 3 weeks.
Stan: That's cool!
Kyle: No it's not! My mom doesn't let him in because his poop is bigger than the couch.
Cartman: My mom got me a pot-bellied pig, because its poop is small.

• Permalink: What is that? That's my new pet elephant. He was supposed to c...
• Added: February 09, 2010

Cartman: Why don't you go back to San Fransisco with the rest of the Jews?
Kyle: There aren't any Jews in San Fransisco, retard!

• Permalink: Why don't you go back to San Fransisco with the rest of the Jews...
• Added: February 09, 2010

Stan: What about our elephant pig?
Dr. Mephisto: I'm afraid I can't do that. Have you heard that song by Loverboy? (breaks into song) Pig and elephant DNA just won't splice.

• Permalink: What about our elephant pig? I'm afraid I can't do that. Have ...
• Added: February 09, 2010

Bebe: I'd want a pot-bellied elephant.
Pip: Yes! I'd pay $50 for one!

• Permalink: I'd want a pot-bellied elephant. Yes! I'd pay $50 for one!
• Added: February 09, 2010

Chef: Hey, I know you. You're that crazy cracker from up on the hill top.
Dr. Mephisto: Sir, if splicing the DNA of humans and various animals together is crazy...

• Permalink: Hey, I know you. You're that crazy cracker from up on the hill t...
• Added: February 09, 2010

Stan: That's it, Sparky! Kick his ass!
Cartman: Heh, he's doing something to his ass. He's not kicking his ass, but he's definitely doing something to his ass.
Stan: Sparky, bad dog!

• Permalink: That's it, Sparky! Kick his ass! Heh, he's doing something to ...
• Added: February 08, 2010

Why, I haven't seen a beating like that since Rodney King.

Frank

• Permalink: Why, I haven't seen a beating like that since Rodney King.
• Added: February 08, 2010

Oh my! I haven't seen a Jew run like that since Poland, 1938!

Frank

• Permalink: Oh my! I haven't seen a Jew run like that since Poland, 1938!
• Added: February 08, 2010

I haven't seen an Englishman take a blow like that since Hugh Grant!

Frank

• Permalink: I haven't seen an Englishman take a blow like that since Hugh Gr...
• Added: February 08, 2010