The Office

The Office Season 5 Quotes (Page 9)

Season 5 Episode 23: "The Michael Scott Paper Company"

Jim: The new receptionist is also named Kelly. So Kelly Kapoor has decided to hover around my desk, so that she can run into his Charles' office every time he calls for Kelly. She thinks if she says "You wanted me" enough, he will in fact want her. It's not the worse plan she's ever had.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kelly: So. I thought we could take the customer on a... Then. Then we could...
Jim: You realize you're not actually talking to me, right?
Kelly: And...
Charles: Hey Kelly?
Kelly: Yes? Charles, you wanted me?
Charles: Oh, I meant, I meant that Kelly. [new receptionist walks in]
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: I would like to invite you all to come away with me, on a journey. Welcome! To the Michael Scott Paper Company!
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: They took away my parking space but they can't take away my pride!
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: It's Britney bitch. And I am back, in the form of a new company. The Michael Scott Paper Company.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 5 Episode 21: "Two Weeks"

Charles: So, we had a personnel change today. Shouldn't effect our day to day. But, until we get a new receptionist I want Kevin on the phones.
Kevin: Phones?
Charles: Also, there has been too much wasted time. So Stanley.
Stanley: Yes.
Charles: Yeah, I want you to be on top of that okay? I want you to be my productivity czar. Okay, good. Uh, okay that it on my list. So uh, you know, no excuses guys. Lets get going okay?
 • Rating: Unrated

Pam: Oh no.
Jim: What?
Pam: I'm going with him.
Jim: What? Pam!
Pam: I'm going.
Jim: Pam! You can't be serious.
Pam: Michael, wait! I'm coming with you.
Michael: You are?
Pam: Yeah.
Michael: Okay. It's going to be great.
Pam: Great. Uh, except, I don't want to be a receptionist anymore.
Michael: Right... Executive assistant.
Pam: Salesman.
Michael: Alright, okay. Deal! Okay, well... Jim?
Jim: Still no.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Okay, Okay, we don't have much time. Just act normal. Don't look at me people. Stop. Don't look down. Don't look down. He's going to see me. Don't look all the way up. Keep it at a normal height. Okay. This is not Michael Scott talking right now, this is your future. Hello, I am your future. You're older, and you are very happy now. Because you went with Michael Scott. Right. So everybody come on down. Lets just crawl out of here together. Alright? Come on! Are you, are you doing your best here? Are you being the best that you can be? Alright. Everybody who's going to go with me I want you to stomp your foot. Okay, alright. Come on. You're coming with me. Come on Phyllis. Here we go, here we go!
Charles: Michael get up!
Michael: Oh God... okay alright. It's time to go it's time to go. Jim, let's go. Come on!
Charles: Michael, what are you doing?
Michael: I think maybe Hank should be here.
Charles: Hank? No, I don't need Hank Michael.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kevin: Michael, why is it that you asked everyone except me, Angela, Creed, and Meredith?
Michael: I was going to, I wanted to. But I had to start somewhere.
Kevin: But you didn't want to start with us?
Michael: No, of course not. But now I want everybody. Jim! Jim? Buddy, Hey! Buddy, Jimbo? Did you have time to think about my offer?
Jim: I did have a chance to think about it, but then I thought about something else.
Michael: So which way are you leaning?
Jim: Well it is tempting but I am 100% leaning towards something else.
Michael: Thanks Jim.
 • Rating: Unrated

Toby: Michael is like a movie on a plane. You know, it's not great, but it's something to watch. And when it's over you're like... how much time is left on this flight? Now what?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Andy: The whole office feels darker, you know? It's just a sad dark day.
Phyllis: Andy, he's gone.
Andy: I know.
Phyllis: You don't have to kiss his ass anymore.
 • Rating: Unrated

Oscar: And just like that. As mysteriously as he arrived, he was gone.
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Kevin: I always thought Michael got a bad rap. He's a good guy. And he's super funny. Yeah, maybe I should tell him before he goes. He's all the way over there.
 • Rating: Unrated

Charles: Hey Hank, You ready?
Hank: Yeah.
Charles: Okay, Michael?
Michael: Hmm?
Charles: I can't pretend I haven't seen that. So I am going e to ask you to stand up, walk out. And you can't take anything.
Michael: Okay, I have immunity. It's my two-weeks...
Charles: Not if you're starting your own paper company, Michael. Hank...
Hank: Okay Michael.
Michael: Hank? You really think Hank is going to be loyal to you? Hank, please escort Charles from the building.
Hank: Come on man, let's go.
 • Rating: Unrated

Pam: I did it. I learned everything about this machine. I know all the buttons, even the inside ones. I know all the error messages. I could do a bound book, in plastic with offset colors. Which feels...
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: You know what. I had a great time at prom. And no one said 'Yes' to that either.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: [from inside the restroom] Stanley?
Stanley: Can't you see I'm urinating?
Michael: Listen, Listen, Stanley. You don't have to answer me now.
Stanley: No.
Michael: Just... I want you to think about it, I'm starting my own company.
Stanley: No.
Michael: Oh... okay, you're not letting me finish, and you just lost out on a million dollars.
Stanley: No I didn't.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Oscar: Most new businesses, they don't make a profit 'til at least two years. And then your margins will be razor thin. Best case scenario, you don't cut yourself a salary for at least 5 years. Can you go 5 years without a salary, Michael?
Michael: Okay.
Oscar: Five years?
Michael: Okay, hey, you already have the job. You don't have to convince me.
Oscar: It's just not prudent Michael.
 • Rating: Unrated

Oscar: You put a note in my food?
Michael: I made it sterile.
Oscar: Just to say "sterile" doesn't make it so.
Michael: I am offering you the opportunity of a lifetime, Oscar. To come work for me.
Oscar: Do you have a business plan? A funding request? Market research, financials?
Michael: No, no no.
Oscar: You need those things.
 • Rating: Unrated

Pam: I'm at a crucial point where I have sunk 4 hours into that copier, and I am not going to let it beat me like that wireless router did.
 • Rating: Unrated

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