Lisa: Players play and managers manage.
Ralph: Do alligators alligate?

All the good men are either gay or have no face.

Waitress

Homer: See, Lisa, looks like tomorrow I'll be shoveling ten feet of global warming.
Lisa: Global warming can cause weather at both extremes, hot and cold.
Homer: I see, so you're saying warming makes it colder. Well aren't you the queen of crazy land. Everything the's opposite of everything.

I traded away my pearls. Without them I'm just a big Maggie.

Lisa

Queen Elizabeth: I'll miss that Ralph Wiggum. Reminds me of my boy.
Prince Charles: Oh, mummy, my cat's breath smells like cat food.

Superintendent Chalmers: You're fired!
Principal Skinner: I'm sorry, did... did you just call me a liar?
Superintendent Chalmers: No, I said you were fired.
Principal Skinner: Oh. That's much worse.

Leonard Nimoy: A solar eclipse: the cosmic ballet goes on.
Man sitting next to Nimoy: Does anybody want to switch seats?

Behold! I am Captain Kirk from Star Trek 1! 2 ... 5 ... Generations ... Boston Legal.

Comic Book Guy

Masseuses - half doctors, half hookers that solve everything.

Homer

Kent: Homer, organised labor has been called a lumbering dinosaur.
Homer: AAAAHH!
Kent: Um, my director is asking me not to talk to you anymore.
Homer: Woohoo!

That's right, I'm down to my wife blesser.

Ned

Redneck 1: Hey you, let's fight.
Redneck 2: Them's fightin' words!

The Simpsons Quotes

Anya: (in a girls voice) "Dear Lisa, as write this, I am very sad. Our president has been overthrown...(man's voice) and replaced by the benevolent General Krull! All hail Krull, and his glorious new regime! Sincerely, little girl."
Lisa: (groans)

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!