Lisa: Players play and managers manage.
Ralph: Do alligators alligate?

All the good men are either gay or have no face.

Waitress

Homer: See, Lisa, looks like tomorrow I'll be shoveling ten feet of global warming.
Lisa: Global warming can cause weather at both extremes, hot and cold.
Homer: I see, so you're saying warming makes it colder. Well aren't you the queen of crazy land. Everything the's opposite of everything.

I traded away my pearls. Without them I'm just a big Maggie.

Lisa

Queen Elizabeth: I'll miss that Ralph Wiggum. Reminds me of my boy.
Prince Charles: Oh, mummy, my cat's breath smells like cat food.

Superintendent Chalmers: You're fired!
Principal Skinner: I'm sorry, did... did you just call me a liar?
Superintendent Chalmers: No, I said you were fired.
Principal Skinner: Oh. That's much worse.

Leonard Nimoy: A solar eclipse: the cosmic ballet goes on.
Man sitting next to Nimoy: Does anybody want to switch seats?

Redneck 1: Hey you, let's fight.
Redneck 2: Them's fightin' words!

That's right, I'm down to my wife blesser.

Ned

Masseuses - half doctors, half hookers that solve everything.

Homer

Kent: Homer, organised labor has been called a lumbering dinosaur.
Homer: AAAAHH!
Kent: Um, my director is asking me not to talk to you anymore.
Homer: Woohoo!

If I wanted to pay for commercials I can't skip, I'd sign up for Hulu Plus.

Homer

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and um Oh, wait a minute! Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!

Homer