Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The-simpsons

Lisa: Players play and managers manage.
Ralph: Do alligators alligate?

All the good men are either gay or have no face.

Waitress

Homer: See, Lisa, looks like tomorrow I'll be shoveling ten feet of global warming.
Lisa: Global warming can cause weather at both extremes, hot and cold.
Homer: I see, so you're saying warming makes it colder. Well aren't you the queen of crazy land. Everything the's opposite of everything.

I traded away my pearls. Without them I'm just a big Maggie.

Lisa

Queen Elizabeth: I'll miss that Ralph Wiggum. Reminds me of my boy.
Prince Charles: Oh, mummy, my cat's breath smells like cat food.

Leonard Nimoy: A solar eclipse: the cosmic ballet goes on.
Man sitting next to Nimoy: Does anybody want to switch seats?

Redneck 1: Hey you, let's fight.
Redneck 2: Them's fightin' words!

That's right, I'm down to my wife blesser.

Ned

Masseuses - half doctors, half hookers that solve everything.

Homer
Displaying quotes 1 - 9 of 3382 in total