The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
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Lisa: Players play and managers manage.
Ralph: Do alligators alligate?

All the good men are either gay or have no face.

Waitress

Homer: See, Lisa, looks like tomorrow I'll be shoveling ten feet of global warming.
Lisa: Global warming can cause weather at both extremes, hot and cold.
Homer: I see, so you're saying warming makes it colder. Well aren't you the queen of crazy land. Everything the's opposite of everything.

I traded away my pearls. Without them I'm just a big Maggie.

Lisa

Queen Elizabeth: I'll miss that Ralph Wiggum. Reminds me of my boy.
Prince Charles: Oh, mummy, my cat's breath smells like cat food.

Superintendent Chalmers: You're fired!
Principal Skinner: I'm sorry, did... did you just call me a liar?
Superintendent Chalmers: No, I said you were fired.
Principal Skinner: Oh. That's much worse.

Leonard Nimoy: A solar eclipse: the cosmic ballet goes on.
Man sitting next to Nimoy: Does anybody want to switch seats?

That's right, I'm down to my wife blesser.

Ned

Kent: Homer, organised labor has been called a lumbering dinosaur.
Homer: AAAAHH!
Kent: Um, my director is asking me not to talk to you anymore.
Homer: Woohoo!

Redneck 1: Hey you, let's fight.
Redneck 2: Them's fightin' words!

Masseuses - half doctors, half hookers that solve everything.

Homer

I moved here because on a calculator, the ZIP Code spells "boobs."

Moe
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 3413 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

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