The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite The Simpsons Quotes
Colonel Burns, why ... I haven't heard my father's name in years.
Mr. Burns
Ned: Homer, God didn't set your house on fire.
Reverend Lovejoy: No, but He was working in the hearts of your friends and
neighbors when they came to your aid, be they Christian (Ned), Jew (Krusty), or ... miscellaneous (Apu).
Apu: Hindu! There are 700 million of us.
Reverend Lovejoy: Aw, that's super.
Insurance Guy: Any valuables in the house?
Homer: Well, the Picasso, my collection of classic cars--
Insurance Guy: Sorry, this policy only covers actual losses, not made-up stuff.
Homer: Well that's just great!
Barney: What are these axes for?
Chief Wiggum: I dunno, chopping stuff.
Barney: Gotcha. (chops down the Simpson's mailbox)
Chief Wiggum: That's some nice choppin'.
After that fateful day I could never even look at Eliza again. It didn't help that the next day he drank bad well water and went blind.
Milhouse [reading diary]
Homer: Oh, the song. The song. (sings) When the fire starts to burn, there's a lesson you must learn. Something something, then you'll see: You'll avoid catastrophe! D'oh!
A little schmutz, a little schmear, and presto, you're part of the underclown railroad.
Krusty
A week ago, I had no idea of what the future would bring, which I guess is true of everyone all the time
Lisa [reading Eliza's diary]
Marge: I'm going to ask you one last time. Are you sure you won't come with us to church?
TV Announcer: Coming up next: make your own ladder!
Homer: Very sure.
Yeah, the Simpson family is a long line of horse thieves, deadbeats, horse beats, dead thieves and a few alcoholics.
Homer
Willie: I'll have to use explosives.
Bart: Explosives? Great! [takes out map] If we put charges on the load bearing walls, we can blow up detention hall, leaving art class okay.
Willie: Hmm?
Bart: What! I like art, okay?
Willie: I'm blowing up the stump, not the school.
Bart: Right right, you never saw that.
Bart: Unckie Herb, what advice would you give to a young boy who would most likely become a bum like yourself?
Herb: Discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensive source of cheese.
