The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite The Simpsons Quotes
Ned: Homer Simpson, I show you pity, and how do you repay me? With a kick in the kididdlehopper!
Homer: (laughs) "Kididdlehopper"!
Ned: That's not funny, it's how I swear!
AHHHH! WHY DID I BRING THE BABY AND THE DOG TO THE POISON STORRRRREEEE!!?
Homer
(Homer places Maggie on the steps of a convent.)
Homer: Now I need to leave you where you'll be safe: Under the watchful eyes of God. And I'll be watching you too, in case God's busy making tornadoes or not existing.
Marge: (to waiters) Put down two basket's of bread, but only one plate of butter. That will stimulate conversation.
Homer: What if we....?
Marge: (growls) There is no we in Wedding!
Homer: But there is Marge, the first two letters.
Helen Lovejoy: Oh, Tim, calm down, he's just your old roomate from Texas Christian.
Reverend Lovejoy: He's like the Pope of this thing!! It would be like Mary Kay, visiting you, when you sold her cosmetics. That is if you had, stuck with it.
Helen Lovejoy: You asked me to quit, because I was making more then you.
Homer: Marge, maybe you need to take a break from Wedding Planning. I think your becoming a... Bridezilla!
Marge: Bridezilla? (gasps) A combination of Bride and Godzilla!?
Moe: (answers phone) Moe's rat-free tavern. Oh, uh, hey, Marge. Yeah, yeah Homer's here.
(Homer gestures "no")
Moe: Oh, oh you want Homer! Oh, I'm sorry I thought you meant "Himmler." Heinrich Himmler. You know, the guy who invented the "Heimlich Manure?"
Marge: Those are two different people!
Moe: Yeah, well, they're both here and neither one is your husband. This press conference is over. (hangs up)
Moe: You gotta make me shorter, Doc.
Dr. Hibbert: (laughs) What do you mean?
Moe: I mean take out bones, guts, whatever you gotta do to make me a micro Moe.
Dr. Hibbert: What your asking is completely unethical. No licensed physician would preform that operation.
(Cut to Dr. Nick about to put the anesthesia mask on Moe)
Dr. Nick: Now close your eyes and when you wake up you will be a woman.
Moe: No, no, no, no, no! I-I wanna be shorter, for a woman.
Dr. Nick: Uh oh. I mixed you up with the last guy.
(A shortened Mr. Largo walks in)
Mr. Largo: (screams) I look nothing like Julie Newmar!
Bart: (crying) I can't believe Jenny dumped me.
Homer: Now, now, boy. Girls come and go, but you'll always have your family.
Bart: Ahhhh! (starts sobbing loudly)
Homer: (also starts sobbing) You're right! You're right!
I am so tired of fans in my food.
Alaska Nebraska
Marge: Please, just stay there until Bart graduates from high school.
Homer: Ohhh, that's another 20 or 30 years!
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
Homer (as Macbeth)
to the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
the way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more.
