Homer: Oh, you beautiful man!
Flanders: That feeling is mutual of Omaha.
Homer: God, you're hilarious!

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They think they're better than us because their performance review reflects it!

Lenny

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Smithers: They're fighting like Iran and Iraq!
Mr. Burns: What?
Smithers: Persia and Mesopotamia.

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Smithers: Can I have a scotch and water?
Moe: My scotch is a scotch and water.

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I'd have to move in with mom, who's dead and doesn't have a house.

Moe

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I'm dating one of your mothers. I forget which one.

Superintendent

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I see how it is. You get a booty calla and I get a cootie call.

Bart

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Skinner, you're a regular Casanova, or, in English, regular house.

Superintendent Chalmers

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Superintendent Chalmers: Willie, you're the new principal.
Willie: Who's the new groundskeeper?
Superintendent Chalmers: Also you. And you don't get more money.

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Not bad. Like Frisbee Golf, I'm glad I tried it once.

Moe

• Permalink: Not bad. Like Frisbee Golf, I'm glad I tried it once.
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Life was so much easier when a machine told you when to laugh.

Homer

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Oh my god I think I just met the thing I'm going to die on.

Bart

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