Homer: Oh, you beautiful man!
Flanders: That feeling is mutual of Omaha.
Homer: God, you're hilarious!

They think they're better than us because their performance review reflects it!

Lenny

Smithers: They're fighting like Iran and Iraq!
Mr. Burns: What?
Smithers: Persia and Mesopotamia.

Smithers: Can I have a scotch and water?
Moe: My scotch is a scotch and water.

I'd have to move in with mom, who's dead and doesn't have a house.

Moe

I'm dating one of your mothers. I forget which one.

Superintendent

I see how it is. You get a booty calla and I get a cootie call.

Bart

Skinner, you're a regular Casanova, or, in English, regular house.

Superintendent Chalmers

Superintendent Chalmers: Willie, you're the new principal.
Willie: Who's the new groundskeeper?
Superintendent Chalmers: Also you. And you don't get more money.

Not bad. Like Frisbee Golf, I'm glad I tried it once.

Moe

Life was so much easier when a machine told you when to laugh.

Homer

Oh my god I think I just met the thing I'm going to die on.

Bart

The Simpsons Quotes

Larry: What you got riding on this?
Homer: My daughter.
Larry: What a gambler!

Maggie? Oh, you must be sick. Let's see, what's old Dr. Washburn prescibe? Do you have dropsy? The grippe? Scofula? The vapors? Jungle rot? Dandy fever? Poor man's gout? Housemaid's knee? Climatic poopow? The staggers? Dum-dum fever?

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