They hanged him for murder and buried him in an unmarked grave. When they came back the next day, the whole cemetery was missing!

Bart

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Krusty: Kids, it's finally happening: your own primetime special. The songs will be written by Broadway's greatest composer: this guy. What's your name again, Fuzzface?
Stephen Sondheim: Stephen Sondheim. I know you hear this all the time, but I think you're great.
Krusty: And I'm sure you hear this all the time: you cost an arm and a leg, so let's get to work.
Stephen Sondheim: Here's the opening number.
Krusty: (taking the sheets) Complex harmoniesintricate lyricspithy observations on modern life. What is this junk? Where's the zazz? Just do what you did in "Cats."
Stephen Sondheim: I didn't write "Cats."
Krusty: You didn't?!

• Permalink: This guy. What's your name again, Fuzzface? Stephen Sondheim. ...
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Marge: Bart, honey, this is all we can afford for now. If it doesn't work, maybe when you're an adult you can pay some lady to make you happy for an hour.
Bart: Ya know, I'm pretty sure I will.

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Nelson: And just when you think he's done, Dark Stanley takes your skin and makes footy pajamas.
Dolph: Nobody pajamanates my skin!

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Yokel child: Hey, you're one of those funny people with a big, crazy nose!
Krusty: A clown?
Yokel child: No, a j--
Krusty: Joker! That's right. And I'm not a practicing Joker so I'm not that offended.

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I'm blue collar. I'm totally blue collar. My dad owns a shovel.

Andy Dick

• Permalink: I'm blue collar. I'm totally blue collar. My dad owns a shovel.
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Hey! This peppy stuff isn't bad! Maybe I will write that jingle for Buzz Cola.

Stephen Sondheim

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Look at those morons! They sing because they're stupid.

Homer

• Permalink: Look at those morons! They sing because they're stupid.
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I don't sign anything, unless I pretend to read it. (pretending to read a contract) Hamburger, hamburger, hamburger, hamburger, looks good to me.

Cletus

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Then I had this crazy dream that my family were all just cartoon characters and that our success led to some crazy propaganda network called Fox News.

Bart

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We can handle the alcoholism, melted cheese in the microwave and, selling A's for cigarettes, but not laying a hand on a child.

Principal Skinner

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You can never raise a hand to a child. Just stop cutting the crust off their sandwiches. They'll get the message.

Marge

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