(About his new python) He is so awesome I already love him more than Lisa!

Bart

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Any part of a cookie you can't eat is a waste of time.

Homer [about fortune cookies]

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If he was going to commit a crime, would he have invited the number one cop in town? Now where did I put my gun? Oh yeah, I set it down when I got a piece of cake.

Chief Wiggum

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The last place anyone would expect to see a moon - the sky.

Bart

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Zombie Flanders: Hey Simpson! I'm feeling a mite peckish. (Evilly) Mind if I chew your ear?
(Homer shoots Ned and the others gasp.)
Bart: Dad, you killed the Zombie Flanders!
Homer: (Surprised) He was a zombie!?

• Permalink: Hey Simpson! I'm feeling a mite peckish. Mind if I chew your ea...
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Hey! This peppy stuff isn't bad! Maybe I will write that jingle for Buzz Cola.

Stephen Sondheim

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Edna: We have shirts from other high schools.
Marge: Ooh, we can wear those to the nice malls.

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Marge: How would you like it if twenty years from now, people were laughing at things you did?
Bart: Not likely.

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Things change when you hit the big 1-O. Your legs start to go, candy doesn't taste as good anymore.

Bart

• Permalink: Things change when you hit the big 1-O. Your legs start to go, c...
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Homer: One small coffee, please. And a bunch of those placemats with the mazes on them.
Pimple-Faced Kid: They're all the same maze.
Homer: Somebody's gotta do 'em.

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I'll take that secret to my grave, or urn, or medical school dissecting table or wherever you're dumping me.

Grampa

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Ned: If you need anything just give a whistle.
Homer: I could use a TV tray.
Ned: Well, gee...
Homer: What?
Ned: Uh, I just this minute bought it at the hardware...
Homer: You said "anything".
Ned: Heh, sure, you can borrow it for...a little while.
--
Homer: And that little while is now eight years and counting.

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