The Simpsons

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The simpsons
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Anya: (in a girls voice) "Dear Lisa, as write this, I am very sad. Our president has been overthrown...(man's voice) and replaced by the benevolent General Krull! All hail Krull, and his glorious new regime! Sincerely, little girl."
Lisa: (groans)

Agent: Tell you what, sir. From now on, you'll be, uh, Homer Thompson at Terror Lake. Let's just practice a bit, hmm? When I say,"Hello, Mr. Thompson," you'll say, "Hi."
Homer: Check.
Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
Homer: (stares blankly)
Agent: Remember now, your name is Homer Thompson.
Homer: I gotcha.
Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
Homer: (stares blankly)
(A long time later)
Agent: (sighs in frustration) Now, when I say, "Hello, Mr. Thompson," and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
Homer: No problem.
Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson! (stomps on Homer's foot a few times)
Homer: (stares blankly) (to other agent) I think he's talking to YOU.

Man: Now don't you fret. When I'm through, he won't set foot in this town again. I can be very, VERY persuasive. (reloads his gun)
(Scene change to a bar)
Man: (whining) C'mon, leave town!
Bob: No.
Man: I'll be your friend?
Bob: No.
Man: Aw, you're mean!

Chief Wiggum: I'd like to help you ma'am, but, heh heh, I'm afraid there's no law against mailing threatening letters.
Marge: (indignantly) I'm pretty sure there is.
Chief Wiggum: Hah! The day I take cop lessons from Ma Kettle --
Lou: Hey, she's right, Chief. (shows him "Springfield Law".)
Chief Wiggum: Well, shut my mouth. It's ALSO illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling.
(Shot of Eddie the cop with squirrels running around in his pants, and a bunch of cops watching and laughing) Boys, knock it off!

Bart/Lisa: Aah! Sideshow Bob!
Bart: You wrote me those letters!
Marge: You awful man! Stay away from my son.
Bob: Oh, I'll stay away from your son, all right. (evilly) Stay away...forever!
Homer: (quaking) No!
Bob: Wait a minute, that's no good. (Starts to walk away, then runs back) Wait! I've got a good one now. Marge, say, "Stay away from my son," again.
Marge: (angrily) No!
Bob: (groaning) Oh...

Lisa: Bart, I figured it out! Who's someone you've been making irritating phone calls to for years?
Bart: Linda Lavin?
Lisa: No, someone who didn't deserve it.

Use a pen, Sideshow Bob!

Snake

Bob: Bart Simpson, that mischeivous little scamp that twice sent me to that dank urine soaked hellhole.
Parole Officer: Uh...We object to the term "urine soaked hellhole," when you could of used "peepee soaked heckhole."
Bob: Cheerfully withdrawn.

Lawyer: What about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say "Die, Bart, Die"?
Sideshow Bob: No, that's German for "The Bart, The".

I'm cold and there are wolves after me.

Grampa

Hey Vern, help me get my head out of this toilet! (flushing sound)

Voice of Ernest

No one who speaks German could be evil.

Woman
Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 25 in total

The Simpsons Season 5 Episode 2 Quotes

Bart: Mom, Dad, I saw Sideshow Bob and he threatened to kill me!
Homer: Bart, don't interrupt!
Marge: Homer, this is serious!
Homer: Oh, it is not.

Bart: Take him away, boys.
Chief Wiggum: Hey, I'm the chief here! Bake him away, toys.
Lou: What'd you say, chief?
Chief Wiggum: Do what the kid said.