The Simpsons Season 2 Episode 19: "Lisa's Substitute" Quotes
Just because I don't care doesn't mean that I don't understand.Homer
- Permalink: Just because I don't care doesn't mean that I don't understand.
I'm Mr. Bergstrom. Feel free to make fun of my name if you want. Two suggestions are Mr. Nerdstrom and Mr.Boogerstrom.Mr. Bergstrom
- Permalink: I'm Mr. Bergstrom. Feel free to make fun of my name if you want....
Homer: Did you hear that, Marge? She called me a baboon! The stupidest, ugliest, smelliest ape of them all!
Bart: Whoa! Somebody was bound to say it one day, I just can't believe it was her.
- Permalink: Did you hear that, Marge? She called me a baboon! The stupidest,...
(Bart shows the whole classroom the tape for his project called, "How Kittens Are Born: The Ugly Truth")
Bart: and here comes Snowball II. This is the one we kept.
Bart: We were gonna keep the gray one, but the mother ate her.
Martin: Mrs. Krabappel, he's traumatizing the children!
Mrs. Krabappel: As usual, I agree with you, Martin. Bart, shut that off and take your seat immediately!
Bart: Oh, look! This is really cool. When I hit reverse, I can make 'em go back in.
(The whole classroom screams)
- Permalink: The Ugly Truth)</i> and here comes Snowball II. This is the on...
Homer: Lisa, don't hold anything back, you can tell me. Are you crying 'cause you called daddy a baboon?
- Permalink: Lisa, don't hold anything back, you can tell me. Are you crying ...
Lisa: You, sir, are a baboon!
Homer: (gasp) Me?
Lisa: Yes, you! Baboon! Baboon! Baboon! Baboon!
Homer: I don't think you realize what you're saying
- Permalink: You, sir, are a baboon! <i>(gasp)</i> Me? Yes, you! Baboon! ...
Mr. Bergstrom: There is a wonderful girl's future at stake.
Homer: Well, if she's so wonderful, give her an A!
Mr. Bergstrom: I am giving her an A.
Homer: Great, but don't tell her it was a favor to me. Tell her she earned it.
Mr. Bergstrom: Mr. Simpson, she did earn it.
Homer: You are smooth, I'll give you that.
- Permalink: There is a wonderful girl's future at stake. Well, if she's so...
Homer: What do you mean by "suggested donation"?
Clerk: Pay any amount you wish, sir.
Homer: And uh, what if I wish to pay... zero?
Clerk: That is up to you.
Homer: Ooh, so it's up to me, is it?
Homer: I see. And you think that people are going to pay you $4.50 even though they don't have to? Just out of the goodness of their... (laughs) Well, anything you say! Good luck, lady, you're gonna need it!
- Permalink: What do you mean by suggested donation? Pay any amount you wis...
Homer: Oh, oh, Marge, I'd love to, but I was planning on... [thinks to himself] Sleeping? Eating a big sandwich? Watching TV? Spending time with the boy! (speaks up) Spending time with the boy! The boy needs attention, Marge.
Marge: Homer, I've been talking to Lisa, and I'm concerned about your relationship with her.
Bart: Me too, Mom. I think you're drifting apart.
Homer: Shut up, boy.
Marge: Homer, please.
Homer: Marge, you don't understand. I can't do it because... [thinking to himself] You're trapped. If you were smarter, you might think of something. But you're not, so you just might as well... (speaks up) All right, all right, I'll take her.
- Permalink: Oh, oh, Marge, I'd love to, but I was planning on... Sleeping? ...
Dear Miss Hoover. You have Lyme disease. We miss you. Kevin's biting me, come back soon. Here is a drawing of a spyrokeet. Love Ralph.Ralph
- Permalink: Dear Miss Hoover. You have Lyme disease. We miss you. Kevin's bi...
Mr. Bergstrom: Lisa, your homework is always so neat. How can I put this? Does your father help you with it?
Lisa: No. Homework's not my father's specialty.
Mr. Bergstrom: Well there's no shame in it, I mean, my dad ...
Lisa: Not mine.
Mr. Bergstrom: You didn't let me finish.
Lisa: Unless the next word was burp, you didn't have to.
- Permalink: Lisa, your homework is always so neat. How can I put this? Does ...
Ralph: What's Lyme Disease?
Principal Skinner: I'll field that one. Lyme disease is spread by small parasites called ticks. When a diseased tick attaches itself to you, it begins sucking your blood. Malignant spirochetes infect your bloodstream, eventually spreading to your spinal fluid and on into the brain.
Miss Hoover: The Brain? Oh dear god!
- Permalink: What's Lyme Disease? I'll field that one. Lyme disease is spre...
Miss Hoover: You see, class, my Lyme Disease turned out to be (Spells on blackboard) psychosomatic.
Ralph: Does that mean you're crazy?
Janey: No, that means she was faking it.
Miss Hoover: No, actually, it was a little of both.
- Permalink: You see, class, my Lyme Disease turned out to be <i>(Spells on b...
Miss Hoover: He didn't touch my lesson plan. What did he teach you?
Lisa: That life is worth living.
- Permalink: He didn't touch my lesson plan. What did he teach you? That li...