The Simpsons

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The simpsons

(Homer is being sucked into Hell)
Marge: Homer, did you eat that donut?!
Homer: No.

Blackbeard: (looking at Homer and Marge's wedding picture) Arrgh! This be some sort of treasure map!
Benedict Arnold: Give me that, you idiot! You can't read!

Vampire Burns: (On the intercom) Come in, come in. Ah, more victims for the vicious undead.
Smithers: Uh, you're supposed to let go of the button.
Vampire Burns: Well son of a bi--(lets go of the button)

Marge: I think there is something a little off about him.
Homer: Yeah, his hairdo is so queer.
Vampire Burns: I heard that!
Homer: It was the boy!

This cape is giving me a rash.

Vampire Grampa

My mule wouldn't walk in the mud. So I had to put seventeen bullets in him.

Groundskeeper Willie

I was watching Matlock in a bar last night. The sound wasn't on but I got the gist of it.

Lionel Hutz

This chair be high, says I.

Blackbeard

Lisa, vampires are make-believe, just like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.

Homer

Principal Skinner: Pull, Willie, pull!
Groundskeeper Willie: I'm doin' all the pulling, you blouse-wearing poodle-walker!

Homer: Ahh! Super Fun Happy Slide!
Lisa: No Dad!
Homer: OhhI guess killing will be fun enough.

Displaying quotes 25 - 35 of 35 in total

The Simpsons Season 5 Episode 5 Quotes

Lionel Hutz: First, some ground rules: Number one, we get bathroom breaks every half-hour.
Devil Flanders: Agreed! Number two, the jury will be chosen by me!
Lionel Hutz: Agreed. No, wait--
Devil Flanders: Silence! I give you the Jury of the Damned! Benedict Arnold, Lizzie Borden, Richard Nixon--
Nixon: But I'm not dead yet! In fact, I just wrote an article for Redbook.
Devil Flanders: Hey, listen; I did a favor for you!
Nixon: Yes, master.
Devil Flanders: John Wilkes Booth, Blackbeard the Pirate, John Dillinger, the starting line-up of the 1976 Philadelphia Flyers!
Simpsons: Ahh!

Lisa: Grampa's a vampire?
Bart: We're all vampires.
Lisa: But no. We killed Mr. Burns.
Homer: You have to kill the head vampire.
Lisa: You're the head vampire?
Marge: No, I'm the head vampire. (Lets out an evil laugh)
Lisa: Mom?
Marge: Well I do have a life outside this house, you know.

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