(Homer is being sucked into Hell)
Marge: Homer, did you eat that donut?!
Homer: No.

Blackbeard: (looking at Homer and Marge's wedding picture) Arrgh! This be some sort of treasure map!
Benedict Arnold: Give me that, you idiot! You can't read!

Vampire Burns: (On the intercom) Come in, come in. Ah, more victims for the vicious undead.
Smithers: Uh, you're supposed to let go of the button.
Vampire Burns: Well son of a bi--(lets go of the button)

Marge: I think there is something a little off about him.
Homer: Yeah, his hairdo is so queer.
Vampire Burns: I heard that!
Homer: It was the boy!

This cape is giving me a rash.

Vampire Grampa

My mule wouldn't walk in the mud. So I had to put seventeen bullets in him.

Groundskeeper Willie

I was watching Matlock in a bar last night. The sound wasn't on but I got the gist of it.

Lionel Hutz

This chair be high, says I.


Lisa, vampires are make-believe, just like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.


Principal Skinner: Pull, Willie, pull!
Groundskeeper Willie: I'm doin' all the pulling, you blouse-wearing poodle-walker!

Homer: Ahh! Super Fun Happy Slide!
Lisa: No Dad!
Homer: OhhI guess killing will be fun enough.

The Simpsons Season 5 Episode 5 Quotes

Mmm...forbidden donut.


That was a right-pretty speech, sir. But I ask you, what is a contract? Webster's defines it as "an agreement under the law which is unbreakable." Which is unbreakable!

Lionel Hutz